All art is at once surface and symbol

Me: Finally, I made it to Cerulean City! ...I have to train for Misty, don't I?

Repels made all the difference for Mt. Moon. I used a video to pick up a secret Moon Stone too! :D Seel's backsprite is a smiling blob with a tongue sticking out and it's the cutest thing ever.

Had my first instance of a humiliating defeat in a goddamn cheating AI. A Rocket member had a Gastly and a Kadabra (guess which Pokemon I don't get until near the end of the game! :D), which Luisa the Machop was not equipped for and I had to switch around my team yet again. Sahaquiel the Magneton was our hero for Mt. Moon. ;; I've been training Tiptoe the Ivysaur too, but I'm concerned about Misty since she'll have psychic and ice moves for any grass-types she's up against, and Thunderbolt from Starmie is gonna hurt. D:

Aside from that burst of activity, I've been absolutely bored, yet too unmotivated to do anything. It's the worst mood, I swear.

I've been digging around old DW and LJ comms looking for Heather Mason icons, but it's much harder than I thought. D: Icons are either broken or smeared with that ugly Photobucket watermark I hate so much. Anyone know where I can find some?

Fuck off, Flowey. Go guilt-trip someone else. (Also, Maria from SH2 and Mary from Ib should be friends)

2021 sure went by fast, huh?

- My strategy for surviving life (or rather, Survival Strategy, since it was the year I finally watched Mawaru Penguindrum) was me trying not to panic too much about the future and things I haven't done yet and focus squarely on the present. Practice self-care, stop beating yourself up for not making a ton of major life accomplishments in your early 30s (and now that I type that, I wonder if this is all an act? Ah ha ha ha ha...) and remind yourself that being healthy and not dead is the best thing you can do right now. Take care of my dogs and chinchillas and make sure they're living their best life.

- SPEAKING OF WHICH. Mom's allergies for dogs who aren't Bichon Frises somehow went away, so we went to animal control and rescued a year-and-a-half old lab mix. We renamed her from Gracie Mae to Daisy Mae and she's the biggest sweetheart. She never barks or jumps and is very well-behaved, and she was afraid to come inside the house at first, believing she had to stay in the backyard. ;; But slowly she's been overcoming her shyness, and Neville and Lulubelle love to play with her~ ♥ She's been smiling more and more as she realizes she has a forever home with us, and it makes me so happy. ;;

- As a result of me and the family looking after Daisy Mae, this and a lack of inspiration forced me to drop out of Yuletide, unfortunately. :( I still got two wonderful gifts though! I got Himari/Ringo fic where they discover the Desire Camera from SCP Foundation (rated M for sexual content, nothing too graphic) and a gloriously creepy story about the Cannibal Ants from a Polish Bunker. Hopefully I can write something good next year!

- My bf Jax has been helping me catch up on some really good movies, like Natural Born Killers, Reservoir Dogs, Minority Report, and The Matrix. Yes, the original Matrix. I love it so much I have no desire to watch any of the sequels or the new movie, though I'm still interested in The Animatrix. In return, I finally got Jax into Undertale! He didn't even want to do Genocide run after I played through True Pacifist route, so he watched a Youtube video instead. Sans is his favorite character (he also likes Mettaton and Burgerpants) and he loves borrowing my Sans figurine to sit on his lap as he plays video games at my house~ It's so cute!

- Animal Crossing: New Horizons is the first time I have ever finished decorating my island, and I'm still blown away by all 1,845 hours I devoted to Magicant. I've been working on my second island, a kidcore paradise named Echolalia, but auuuuugh, it's taking forever and I'm getting too burnt out for future islands I want to do in the future (a farmcore island inspired by farming sim games named Stardew, and a Rubyquest & Nanquest based horror island) and it makes me sad. D: Happy Home Paradise and the 2.0 Update helps a lot, but oof, I think I still need a break. Right when one of my friends reset their island to get into AC again too! D: Maybe playing Pokemon Brilliant Diamond will help with my block?

- Other stuff happened, I guess? I have insomnia and cramps, it's kind of hard to think now. Owwie.

I'm copypasting all my Rule of Rose thoughts from the Empty Movement Discord server! Enjoy my scattered thoughts, haha. XD

( When you can tell even the combat is fucked up just from watching... )

( Puri gets angry about a certain spoilery character. )

( Spoilers galore for Rule of Rose, Revolutionary Girl Utena, and a bit of Witch's House. TW: talk of animal abuse/neglect/death, child abuse, bullying, and CSA. Includes saltiness about implied fatphobia. )~

( Welcome to the Rule of Rose Trauma Club! Includes fangirling of various video game dogs and Haunting Ground. )

I'm not going to miss this year. At all. Thanks to politics, it's pretty much been one long endurance run where the extinction of important species and even the apocalypse feels like one executive order away. Two states (including mine) got flooded, and Puerto Rico is without power while our fucking government sits on their asses with their ears plugged in the hopes everyone on the island will die off soon. Don't get me started what's happening to Net Neutrality, and I pray to god Ajit Pai and the FCC are successfully sued.

That said, I'm knocking wood due to events that happened which makes me cling to hope a little. Like...

- Exposing Harvey Weinstein and the following arrests of predators who have gotten away with their shit for WAY too long. I'm crossing my fingers that the #MeToo movement is more than just a trend, and we can FINALLY get overdue laws into place once we kick out the 45 Administration. The toxic systems in Hollywood and workplaces in general need to be overthrown, not called out for several months before things return to the status quo. They must be gone for good.
- Doug Jones' victory over a homophobic racist pedophile. I know we can't rely on black voters to always get white people out of our messes and we can truly thank them by electing more black people (especially black women) into powerful government positions, but I'm grateful all the same. I'm glad "keep fighting" isn't just an empty mantra under Unholy Orange Hell.

It's been pretty big fandom-wise.

- My best friend and I have been RPing a big Charasriel (which later became Chariskriel) AU we call The Scars We Choose. This AU has kept us sane throughout the whole year, and it's what kept me active in writing. Even if I barely got much done in fic this year, I've been VERY productive regarding TSWC. We have fanmixes, art, and everything. TSWC has just been so cathartic for us, it's incredible. I'm proud of the work we're doing for it. ;;
- After suffering and dealing with the worst of Undertale fandom for so long, I finally got invited to a few Discord groups where I felt welcome and safe. I missed the warmth, love, and creativity of that side of UT fandom so much, and I'm glad I got those spaces whenever I'm down.
- This is the year I also went to PAX San Antonio! I got to see my TSWC partner there and it was the first time I got to meet an online friend IRL. ;; Realmscon was also magical because I GOT TO SEE FUCKING VOLTAIRE. Hands down the best concert I've been to. It's like hanging out at a campfire with an old friend who happens to be a gothic rum-loving skeleton raised by bats.
- Much to my surprise, TCM did a showing of rare cult classic Belladonna of Sadness (NSFW) (the movie that inspired Kunihiko Ikuhara into becoming an anime director) and my parents recorded it for me! I didn't know what I was going to think about it coming in. But holy fuck. I loved it. Considering I watched it right on the heels of the election of the Orange Führer, a movie where a wronged and traumatized woman makes a deal with the devil and gains power, and whole village respects her and they give a giant Fuck You to the so-called "righteous" church monarchy terrorizing them, it is SO satisfying. Even with the ending, it clearly shows that the revolution is Not Over. Needless to say, you can see why Ikuhara likes this movie. :P The movie is definitely Not For Everyone (rape, explicit sex, violence, exploration of witchcraft and witch hunts, Nightmare Fuel up the wazoo, TRIPPY AS BALLS ANIMATION) but goddamn, did it hit all the right notes for me. Not to mention there's the gorgeous watercolor art and TRIPPY AS BALLS ANIMATION and an awesome 70s soundtrack. 8)
- I finally got around to playing OneShot. Perfect timing too, because the Solstice update came out this year. omg omg omg it's so good. ;; It's interesting to compare with OFF and Undertale (though one of its primary inspirations is Hyper Light Drifter, which I still have to play. ;;), but it's very much its own thing and does crazy shit with your computer that serves a purpose WAY beyond gimmicks. The game is smart without being smug, and it has a warm heart at the center of it all. ;; Niko is the biggest cinnamon roll in the world and I love them so much, aaaaaaaa. I won't spoil anything at all, let's just say a certain scene between Niko and the Entity legitimately made me cry. ( Solstice spoiler snippet for one line of dialogue. ) Also, I recommend after you get one of the two original endings of the game that you listen to Yin / Yang: A OneShot Concept Album. Hell, my current icon even comes from the cover. :o My favorite track would definitely be the first one, "A Distant Prayer (Ending)." The vocalist even reminds me of Sharon den Adel from Within Temptation. ;;
- My family and I got to see Coco for Christmas (and we mercifully were spared of the 22-minute Olaf special). Congratulations Pixar: you made the second movie to reduce me to tears (the first was Inside Out). Like, my relationship with Pixar films has been like this:

UP: teary-eyed near the end, but didn't cry.
Toy Story 3: Touched, but didn't get teary-eyed.
Inside Out: Cried near the end.
Coco: Cried twice in two different scenes near the end.

So... Coco. A++

Hurricane Fanmix Progress: I haven't forgotten any of you at all! Progress is just really slow, aaaaaa. calliatra, your smut inspiration mix is almost ready! I got all the songs I need, I just need to make the cover and the write-up post. I hope this'll be worth the wait. ;;

Happy New Year, everyone. Let's not blow it on 2018.

A decent and honest review of Wadanohara and the Deep Blue Sea.

I want to print what this guy says about Mogeko's writing and characterization and paste it on my door. THANK GOD ME AND ZAR AREN'T THE ONLY ONES WHO FOUND IT MEDIOCRE. Every other review I read (aside from one bitchy one that screeches how everyone who plays the game are problematic monsters who should burn in hell) gushes over its OMG AMAZING STORY/CHARACTERS/ETC. and I'm sitting here thinking, "Uh... no?" Plus this guy brings up some good points that I hadn't mentioned in my own review, like Wadanohara's passiveness (and how it makes her boring as the main protagonist, despite her cute design) or how the main villain just didn't work for me as a villain.

Frankly, I’m also amazed at how many people either adore [Wadanohara] or want to bang her. Anyone who doesn’t find her lovable or at least cute is most definitely a villain, and I don’t think her familiars have any life goals outside of her at all. Is that what being a familiar is about? I mean, Chlomaki’s lobster familiar is more developed than them by virtue of wanting her father to be safe and having a life outside of her master. Considering they’re there for almost all of the story, that’s… kinda sad.

I knew there was a reason I liked Lobco and not just her design; she's got more personality than Wadda's three familiars combined. Three whole characters who are supposed to be important side characters.

OH OH AND THIS:

( Quick spoilers for the big twist! tw: rape & sexual assault )

It’s a cut above average RPG Maker games, but that’s not saying much. To me, it’s the equivalent of bad (as in mediocrely bad, not bad bad or hilariously bad) fanfiction in RPG Maker form. It’s junk food for people who like cute romances, cute characters, good graphics, & surprise creepiness. That’s not a bad thing to like though - sometimes, you just need something cute. And, you know, there’s nothing wrong with that either.

Which is the best way to describe the game, imo. WHY MUST THE ART BE SO GOOD *sob* Also, this guy recs Dreaming Mary in place of Wadda, just like I did! I wonder if we're secretly cousins.

Well, That Escalated Quickly

Someone at the Mary-Sue posted an article about the idea that Samus might be trans. It went just about as well as expected.

( Something that's been bothering me regarding transphobia. ALL CAPS at the end, with a mini-rant about biphobia. )

*panting* I think I need to look at a pile of potatoes.

Happy 10th Anniversary, Yume Nikki. You've changed my life forever and made me the Indie Horror nerd I am today. You've changed the gaming world forever and influenced new masterpieces such as Ib and Dreaming Mary. I will always and forever be in your debt.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnd while typing this, my computer freaked out and randomly reset while screaming at me like Uboa. How fitting.

Assuming the Five Nights at Freddy's movie is ever made, my ultimate dream actor for the Purple Guy would be Jack Nicholson.