shamanicshaymin: Quote from Napstablook from Undertale (Default)
The last essay is finally finished and sent to my professor.

Thank god. After months and months of being haunted by those blasted things, I'm finally free. Sweet, sweet freedom. *______*
shamanicshaymin: Quote from Napstablook from Undertale (Default)
I'm really lonely and under a lot of stress right now.

I have three eight-page papers to write. THREE. I feel woefully unprepared and crippled, even though I've been given extensions for all of them by my professors. I have zero confidence and I'm tired as fuck.

But if I don't do these papers (all of which I've asked for extensions for), my grades for all of my classes are going to drop enormously.? And it's likely going to cost me in the long run when I'm trying to find jobs.

I just want to go to Portland NOW and end my misery, but I can't because of these stupid papers. I'm so fucking miserable. I have no energy left. And even if I DO start the papers, my exhaustion will clearly show. They'll be so shitty that I'll get a shitty grade anyway.

I'm going to be stuck here. All my efforts will be for nothing.
shamanicshaymin: Quote from Napstablook from Undertale (Marionette :: 90 Years Without Slumberin)
Badfic and crappy novels (*cough*specifically50shades*cough*) are making me sick of the word "blush" like shitty sci-fi novels made Stephen King hate the word "zestful." It's gotten to the point where I use it sparingly, usually referring to makeup. If used as a verb, it's for something that doesn't involve a person's face turning red. DEAR GOD EVERYBODY BLUSHES ALL THE TIME IN BADFIC, USE OTHER WORDS DAMMIT. Which is a shame, 'cause blushing is usually cute, but it's gotten to the point where it almost means nothing because it's all juvenile writers make their characters do when they're embarrassed.

I have two essays I have to work on, and both have to be a minimum of eight pages. I'm behind on reading material and I'll have to talk to the Disabilities Services and my professors for an extension. I did the first part already, I just have to wait until Monday for the latter. Home life isn't doing much better, since Dad had been having back problems to the point where he had to have surgery last Monday. He's lying in bed now, but he can't drive. I'm also scared as hell for my dog Freddie. About last week, he got into the garbage and ate something bad for him, so he's been vomiting blood and bone splinters. He used to be energetic and run around all the time. Now he doesn't smile or wag his tail, he usually just lies there. I'm really scared for him, especially since he's much younger than Amanda.

God I just want to get the semester over with and go to Portland. But if I'll need extensions for my essays, it'll take way longer than I anticipated.
shamanicshaymin: Quote from Napstablook from Undertale (Mami/Madoka :: We Were Innocent)
I feel tired a lot lately. I'm not sure how much work and papers I can do, I'm getting really stressed and worn out. Usually I just want to sleep so I don't have to worry about college work and all the assignments I have to do. I just wish the semester would already be over so I could fly to Portland. Two months still feels so far away. I'm sick of being lonely and having no one IRL to hang out with. I want a place I could actually call home for once. I'm sick of moving all the time or being stuck in a place I feel like I don't belong.
shamanicshaymin: Quote from Napstablook from Undertale (Mami/Charlotte :: Sleepytime)
Taking three English courses in one semester is really, really, really draining. I had a great time at Realmscon earlier this month, and I uploaded photos and... haven't had the energy to post them, whoops. Anyway, cosplaying a Shaymin gajinka was a success! I bought a gajillion new goodies, like plushies, buttons, and even a couple art commissions. :D Panels overall weren't that impressive, but I really liked the Furry 101 one. Everyone was so kind! There was this Derp E. Wolf dude who was like this little mascot kid straight out of a cartoon. He'd so mild pranks like shifting chairs and he's always so enthusiastic about everything. There was also a shy cheetah fursuiter who purred when I hugged him. :D shh i'm learning to embrace my inner furry okay

Femslash EX just put their archive up. I'm praying like hell my fic isn't a total bomb. I got a nice gift though, where Sayaka and Kyouko are badass normals. :D

I'm not joining Yuletide this year, unfortunately. I've got way too many writing assignments on my plate. :( Good to see Clock Tower nominated though! Ib got a little more attention than last year, and there's a couple interesting Chrono Trigger requests. It doesn't surprise me that Five Nights at Freddy's will be the main horror attraction this year. :D There's even a SatAM request buried in the letters! It's too bad I don't remember enough of the series to do some serious worldbuilding fic for the requester though. Balls. The Thief and the Cobbler (Recobbled Cut) got nominated this year by someone, so I'm crossing my fingers someone's got a treatable request for me. <.<;;;

I've been playing Smash Bros. 3DS constantly. Villager is one of my new mains. ♥ Go figure, I made a ton of Mii Fighters, including several characters from my novel, Mami Tomoe (MaMii? *rimshot*) and Homura Akemi, and Utena Tenjou. :D
shamanicshaymin: Quote from Napstablook from Undertale (Madoka/Homura :: God & Satan)
There was a Banned Books event at my campus library last Thursday! There were lots of people cosplaying characters from banned books, such as Frodo & Arwen, Katniss, Rorschach, etc. I made a request that Dorian Gray lie on the ground and look like he's about to get eaten by a Wild Thing (Where the Wild Things Are) Then on complete improv, the Wild Thing started making out with Dorian! It was glorious. :D I'll share photos later. atm I'm really tuckered out and still juggling schoolwork.

Realmscon is coming up next Friday, so Dad and I went shopping for the parts I need for my Shaymin gajinka costume. No luck with the shoes, hair dye and flowers yet, but we got the perfect dress for half off at Goodwill. :3

I bought a rainbow-quilled hedgehog plushie from Barnes N' Noble because I could. It's so poofy!
shamanicshaymin: Quote from Napstablook from Undertale (Kyouko/Sayaka :: Blegh)
Me: I've got a throw-away first draft of an essay on "The Lottery" due Monday. Your professor says to write whatever ideas come to mind so you can organize them later for the final draft. It should be around 3-4 pages, so you might as well get that out of the way. Okay. LET'S DO THIS.

Me: *reads Alexander/Daniel smut all morning before napping*

Goddammit self. Get back to work!
shamanicshaymin: Quote from Napstablook from Undertale (Madoka Magica :: Wiggedy-Wack)
I have a lab exam on Monday, a Biology final coming up (both of which I'm struggling with), and I've got an English paper due Monday that I'm uncertain I even know what I'm writing about. Oh, and sleep issues as always.

This is not a good week for me, guys. D:

My brother's playing FFX HD. I still can't believe that game's on its tenth anniversary. It still feels like yesterday it had come out on PS2. *sobs*
shamanicshaymin: Quote from Napstablook from Undertale (Elsa :: Magic)
Sheesh, I've gotten so bad about updating my DW/LJ lately.

Anyway, this week's gotten a lot smoother, thankfully. My English professor ended up being absent one day, but finally, she was able to come back Monday and I was able to see her. She said not to worry about being absent. :) Here's an excerpt from my very first day:

Conversation is as follows. )

There's a boy in the class named Angel ("My name is Angel... and yes, that is my fucking name.") and we're reading a lot of fun stuff in class so far. :) My Biology Lab is run by a professor named Jennifer Lawrence ("Yes, that's my name.") and they've got a fish, a tarantula named Lolita Dos, a snake named James, and an unnamed rattie in their own tanks.

On February 4th, an exotic petting zoo is coming to campus. They'll be bringing a ton of animals. :3 At the top of my head: kangaroos, wallabies, coatimundies, skinks, bearded dragons, tortoises, pac-man frogs, snakes... and best of all, chinchillas and hedgehogs! ♥ It's been several years since I've held a hedgehog, and I've been longing for their prickly cuddliness again. I wonder what color chin-chins they'll be having too.

I've been going to Eric and Nicole's house with Jimmy a lot, so I've been making friends with the pets there: a female yellow Labrador named Star, a male orange kitty named Pixel, and three female guinea pigs named Ruby (long-haired albino), Halle (short-haired, orange & black), and Ginger (short-haired, brown & white.) The piggies are as big as Ryu, and they make little cooing noises like doves when they're petted. ;; My friends want me to bring over Ryu some time, so I'll need to get a better cage for him so he'll be able to travel.

I joined HabitRPG, which is a lot of fun! I was worried I'd flunk, but it's been helping me with the little things, like holding Ryu more often. :)
shamanicshaymin: Quote from Napstablook from Undertale (Johanna :: This Can Only End in Tears)
This semester is getting off to a poor start.

After attending my first American Themes in Literature class (which I'll share in another entry, sorry for my slowness), I was really excited to attend the next one. I read what I needed to, completed my assignment, and was packed to the brim to be sure I had everything. Then on the day of the class, I mixed up the times with my Biology class and ended up missing the English class entirely. Absences count against you, so OH GOODIE, what a nice early kick in the balls. I emailed my professor since her office hours were on other days, and I haven't heard from her yet. I just hope to god I get my disability papers to give to my professors on time.

For three days in a row, I've been trying to get my supplies for my Biology class and failed every time. Either Dad and I don't have the money, the stores are closed, or the cards get rejected.

I feel like I'm growing steadily behind and it's still the beginning of semester.

Got to Pokemon Club late 'cause Dad accidentally bumped another car. For another punch in the face, I lost every challenge at the club. Not merely lost; I was absolutely curb-stomped. I barely got a chance to land a blow on anybody. I felt like such a goddamn n00b, and I hope to hell the other members don't think so too.

I just... I can't right now.
shamanicshaymin: Quote from Napstablook from Undertale (Togekiss :: Kiss This)
Yay, feeling like a sack of garbage is fun. I've been struggling with sleep problems again, and it figures that the day I finally have enough energy to start my final paper for history class, Mom had to be super bitchy and get in a fight with me and Dad, so it made me feel too miserable to concentrate on even starting it. Fuck. I just went to talk to a counselor and managed to contact Dad, he says he might be able to help me with my essay. Guh. I just want the day to end and my paper to go poof.

Anyhoo, made my [community profile] areyougame claims:

December 2 - Pokémon Conquest, Oichi: Karaoke – Occasionally, she and Jigglypuff liven things up with a bit of song.
December 6 - Pokémon, Any: legendary pokemon – unexpectedly loves ear scritches
December 17 - - Pokemon, Serena/Shauna: first kiss - feels like watching fireworks.
December 18 - Serena/Emma: affection - Emma has a crush on Serena, and tries to figure out how to tell her.
December 24 - Amnesia: The Dark Descent, Alexander/Daniel: fairytale au - the big bad wolf comes to feast on your heart.

I'm so rusty on Conquest, but thankfully, fic only needs to be at 100 words, so a quick overview shouldn't hurt. It's the Amnesia one that'll probably have me digging my own grave. :/ I have such a creepy plotbunny for that particular prompt though, and I couldn't resist. :o Hint: involves wine and meat.

I wonder if there'll be interesting treat prompts for Yuletide this year.

Ugh, back to feeling like crap.
shamanicshaymin: Quote from Napstablook from Undertale (Pikachu/Buneary :: Take My Hand)
[community profile] areyougame

God, I would've made Mario/Kirby/Pokemon/Yume Nikki/Mother 1+2+3/Harvest Moon/Super Smash Bros/Ib/OFF/etc. prompts in a heartbeat. ;; Oh well. Still a lot of prompts I got my eye on. :3 Like the Kid Icarus ones... go figure, I still haven't played Uprising and I even own the damn game. Until Pokemon Bank comes out and Smogon uploads movesets for Gen VI, I don't have much to do in Pokemon except breeding and grinding. I have until the 30th to make claims... hm... *dundundun*

Again, sorry I haven't been posting much. I've been working my ass off in college (hence I gotta miss out on Poke Exchange. Sorry! ;;), and I gotta work on yet another paper. I got an A- for my Composition II assignment, and I'm not about to let my good record slip! :o

Next month promises to be full of fandomy goodness (including Yuletide!) to make up for my lack of productivity this year. Oh boy oh boy oh boy~
shamanicshaymin: Quote from Napstablook from Undertale (Ness/Jeff :: Nice Couple)
Long time no post! Things have been extremely hectic and busy. Namely because I'm getting ready for college. :o

I'm going to the University of Corpus Christi as an English major. I'm signing up for Composition II and U.S. History to 1865 this semester once my meningitis hold has finally been cleared up. And I've joined a video game club that also goes into the history of old*sk00l games and arcade, so it won't be just Halo and FPSs like the last one I tried at Austin. I just want to finally do well and have a good college experience. ;;

I turned 25 yesterday, and I kept my party relatively simple. We have a half-vanilla, half-chocolate cake! My family's still struggling with finances (thank god we don't have to pay for college until the end of the semester!), but we managed to scrounge enough so I could finally afford a Nintendo 3DS. I'll save up for games like Animal Crossing on my own. A 3DS and going to college are more than good enough as gifts for me! ;; Jean drew me adorable birthday smut, and I've been cheering him on so he'd be more confident in his pretty art. ;; I'm planning on getting my boyfriend to watch Coraline with me, nomnomnom. I've also successfully got Rachel hooked on Digimon! Her favorite character so far is Yamato. :3

My sleep's messed up again, but I should be able to go to Student Services tomorrow. You bet I'm gonna work my ass off!
shamanicshaymin: Quote from Napstablook from Undertale (Grimsley :: Cry Cry Cry)
Quickest Way to Depress Puri: Give her a dream where she's reliving her college days. Remind her of her potential to learn so much and make many new friends in a comfy and exciting environment, but due to her lack of experience, she comes off as inept and awkward, and she looks stupid in front of the entire school. Sure, people smile and are still nice to her, but only to be courteous and helpful because the wretched thing needs help or messes something up all the time. Poor thing, she has trouble with so many little things that everybody can do out of habit! If she's to be a "friend" at all, she's only the type that shows up now and then to fidget and doesn't speak much so you might as well ignore her. In other words, she's a crutch that can't even stand by itself, and that's too bad.

Of course Mom calls me because looking at clothes in fliers is my #1 Passion in All The World and after the hours and hours and hours we spent shopping yesterday, she tells me we may have to return certain clothes (and if past experience tells me, when does Mom ever return anything unless it's past the return date?) because I hadn't been thinking whether they were on sale or not. Bought because I thought I was told I had to get as many summer clothes as possible. Thank you mother, you've unintentionally but successfully reminded me that keeping my priorities straight was yet another reason why I was a failure at college.
shamanicshaymin: Quote from Napstablook from Undertale (Golbat :: BLEEEEGH)
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Middle school? All of it. The one positive thing I know is that I never have to go through those 3-4 years of hell ever again.

Children are little shits. Especially when they're at the age to know better but they proceed to torment others anyway because they think it's funny.

Teaching is what people go for because Nazism is no longer a profession. How in the world did everyone else around me get so many good teachers and role-models. I've known a few I liked, but only three changed my life and made an impact on me for the better. The rest I've forgotten entirely and some others, well... how did other people get so lucky to have so many wonderful teachers that it makes it hard for me to relate to them? Mine usually treated me like I was invisible, even when other kids have stomped my consciousness to tears.

Elementary school was fun. I loved school back then. But I got to middle and it all changed. High school was boring. Just a way to feel smug because you're smarter than everyone else and you're bound to go somewhere better. But that "somewhere better" aka "university" turns around to smack you in the face and have you feel like you know nothing at all, subtly humiliating you until you've lost all sleep and pride. Too many goddamn contradictions. "Grades don't matter" yet I'll never get into the course I want if I don't have sufficient credits. "Take it easy and enjoy college life" when you have to study constantly and work on that paper or else you'll never get a good grade and be able to "take it easy" like you're supposed to. So many goddamn lies and false hopes. If I had known that I'd never take Creative Writing or enter any of the courses that looked interesting to me (again, I can't have fun or have any freedom unless I have credits!), would I still go back to my second year in hopes I'll do better?

What a disgrace I am.

Proof that I learn better by educating myself alone.

You can say my view of school has been colored since then. Yes.
shamanicshaymin: Quote from Napstablook from Undertale (Plusle :: Wibble)
It's a bad sign when you have this little share of conversation with your family:

Me: Dad? I've been feeling very depressed and uncertain about my future.
Dad: *doleful tone* Me too.

Plus I've decided a four-year university isn't working for me. Everytime these past two years, it's been more hell than heaven. I struggle with deadlines, classes, my sleep's wonked out, and I get lonely because I can't keep pets in my dorm and the closest friends I ever made, I can only see on Fridays and Saturdays. And I'm unsatisfied with what my classes are giving me. I wanted to take creative writing. To write everyday and improve myself as a storyteller. Did I get it? No. The only classes I felt have been satisfying for me were Russian Sci-Fi and Banned Books. Why? Because we discussed goddamn story. We were allowed to say we loved or hated it and why. I like this kind of discussion! This is what I want! To me, homework would be the equivalent of reading the damn book so you'll be able to talk about it in class.

I don't think I do well on papers. I'm one of those types of procrastinators who is super picky and perfectionist and knows the paper won't live up to my standards, so I blow it off, suffer the night before it's due, and turn it in and never wanting to see the paper ever again. Because I already know I have a horrible grade on it and WHAT I did horrible. Figures I get the paper back, am forced to look at my horrible grade and mistakes I knew I'd make, blah blah self-fulfilling prophecy. I hate knowing about my grades because I know I did terribly. And I'm right. Even more, I hate discussing them because then it means reciting every possible thing I knew I got wrong and go "ZOMG this affects whether or not you're staying at college, by the way." Or if you're thinking you don't give a damn anymore, "ZOMG this affects your future or whether you're gonna get a good job and not be homeless and in debt!"

College has one rule: organize or die. Believe me, I tried. Sorting hours, assignments, everything. But my mind doesn't work that way. Something different always comes up. I get so focused on one assignment I forget about the others. It's impossible for me to follow a rigid schedule. Did I mention how much deadlines flip my lid? Did I? I'll mention it again. I hate deadlines. And they never "whoosh by" because they stay like a nail in my head even after I turn the paper in, and it feels like I still need something turned in even though I already have.

It's goddamn humiliating when you get all As and Bs in high school (crummy school or not), only to go to college and realize your entire education is a lie and you have to start from scratch, and if you don't have the skills for that, you're screwed. Hello Ds and Fs! If I'm lucky, I'll get a C! B means a saint has arrived and an A means "Ha ha, fat chance." This is hardly the "dreamscape of life exploration" I was looking for. I feel heartbroken. I'm disappointed.

I have absolutely no idea what's going to happen to me in the fall. Or future. And god, if I ever get another dorm, I want some sort of fuzzy animal to keep me company. I'm screaming "Hedgehog! Hedgehog!" everyday. If that's shooting for the moon, land me among the stars so I can get a rat so I can snuggle my nose in its fur. I don't know what my supporting job for my writing career would be either. 'Cause as long as I don't know, I can't support myself and I'll be broke. Like my parents. Everything I seem remotely interested in is volunteer work, and that won't make a cent. Hell, I feel more like my sick mom everyday.

Now I can't be bothered to do much creatively like writing, and lately it feels like it takes too much effort to load Photoshop to make icons or make AMVs, especially with how crappy the computer's been running and my own about to explode any second and ugh. It's just a terrible environment. Go figure, insomnia isn't much better either, and I sleep through the day because I want to forget and get away from it all. My dogs Amanda and Freddie make me smile and I pet them, but that's about all the short temporary happiness I have, video games aside. I haven't exactly felt talkative and I don't know if I'm even in the mood for RPing.

Can't talk to Mom 'cause she'll drone on and on and recite the laundry list of everything that makes me upset, including our family's financial situation and Dad losing yet another job due to his temper and his inability to stop snapping at people including those of authority. Can't talk to Dad 'cause then he might start yelling at me and possibly get in a fight with Mom again. I've never phoned any of my close relatives (by "close" I mean "relatives I'm generally comfortable with") and haven't spoken to them in a long time, so I don't know how well they'd relate with me. I don't even know how to express myself on the phone that well. I doubt talking to my sister will help either, 'cause she has troubles of her own and I don't want to pile up on it, and she might be sucked into Mom and Dad's drama too. So that leaves me with absolutely no idea who to talk to or where to go. Maybe phone one of the people from Closet Artists, but I don't know, I don't want to feel too much like a burden or scare them, considering we knew each other for about one year and I'm generally one of the quieter girls.

Gods, I think I even lost some braincells, since it's gotten harder to think or express myself comprehensively.
shamanicshaymin: Quote from Napstablook from Undertale (Kirlia :: Prayer)
I finished the first paper. Now I have two left. While we're at it, I REALLY need your help in finding a certain song, or at least the identity of it. It's driving me crazy lately.

Long, long ago, around the time I was 12-13 and just getting into Anime, my sister along with her friends and I were watching ads for other shows before or after Magic Knight Rayearth finished on her VHS tapes. There's a girl with long flowing turquoise (Green? Blue? I do know it's dark) hair beside a lot of autumn trees. The leaves may or may not be blowing around her, and there may or may not be sakura petals. I'm not clear on this. There's a boy her age with short black hair who is curious about her (he looks a little like Tenchi, but from the art style, the show is definitely NOT Tenchi) and watches her standing there in the wind. I think he invites her to his home. She lies asleep (presumably naked) under her sleeping bag (?) and she wears an uncomfortable expression on her face. As she turns in bed, we're given flashes of her dreams, all which involve bloody corpses being impaled or other sorts of messy deaths. Boy is troubled. Girl looked so happy and carefree before, albeit maybe a little sad or confused. Suddenly evil comes, and the girl's nightmares start coming true as the screen turns black and her friends are slowly sucked into a red hole like quicksand, one of them a screaming girl with shorter hair than the main heroine. The ad fades out with the boy falling in darkness trying to reach out to the main heroine.

While this is going on, a slow chirpy song is played in the background. Kind of an effect like "Singing in the Rain" in Clockwork Orange, no?

Years later, I still have that song stuck in my head. What is that song? Or goddamn, what IS that Anime so I can figure out from there what the song is?

It's sung by a woman with a high voice (Not screechy high) and exudes a dream-like state of being. I could be wrong but the song could be in G Major (I DO know it shares the same key of other songs such as Pink Floyd - Learning to Fly, Sarah Brightman - Stranger in Paradise, Green Day - She's a Rebel, Frou Frou - The Dumbing Down of Love, etc.) There are words that kind of sound like, "Nis Kiss Me~ *three bells* Yuu Meh Gai~ *three bells*" and yes, it's got bells in between three syllables sometimes. Argh! I wish I knew what that song was. D:

Adopt one today!Adopt one today!Adopt one today!Adopt one today!Adopt one today!

shamanicshaymin: Quote from Napstablook from Undertale (Default)
Adopt one today!Adopt one today!Adopt one today!Adopt one today!

brb disappearing from the Internet.
shamanicshaymin: Quote from Napstablook from Undertale (Mugen/Zero :: Comfort)
Adopt one today!Adopt one today!Adopt one today!Adopt one today!

God I'm so exhausted. Want to cheer up a poor little Puri worn out from college stress? Write her some hot and steamy Alberto/Tonio smut. Or Sir Aaron/Lucario. Or Mugen/Zero. Or any of her favorite Mother pairings but especially Poo/Paula or Ness/Poo (I'm in a Poo mood) or Mother 1 goodness 'cause you can never get enough of Mother 1. I just want to read some lovely pr0n to feel better after all this depression and craziness. :(
shamanicshaymin: Quote from Napstablook from Undertale (Ninten & Queen Mary :: Hello)

Crayola loves you and wants to thank you all for making her wish come true~ ♥♥♥

Please be patient regarding drabbles. ;-; I started one of them, but college holds a high priority right now or else I'm fucking busted. *curls up* I need Me Time... cheer me up and support me by clicking my eggs, okay? XD


shamanicshaymin: Quote from Napstablook from Undertale (Default)

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