All art is at once surface and symbol

Today on "Not really a BradTerry song, but god does it give the vibes of one," we got Blue October's "Hate Me." The second verse screams Brad Armstrong in particular:

I'm sober now for three whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight

You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

brb crying forever

One of the nice things about having a new fandom is old songs you've listened and loved a million times become new again. For once, the lyrics are under the cut because I relate them to UNDERTALE SPOILERS

( Hint: it involves Nine Inch Nails )

You ever have those songs that you've listened to for years, then when you go revisit them, you think, "O SNAP IT'S SO-AND-SO'S THEME SONG"? 'Cause I got that moment when I checked out Meryl Streep's take on "Stay With Me" from Into the Woods.

The main villain of the novel I'm working on is a nutcracker named Dr. Medlock. He's kidnapped one of the main characters, Raggedy Ann, and is holding her hostage while using her candy heart for an experiment he's working on. Said experiment is him trying to bring his lost daughter back to life; a ballerina doll named Clara that he took under his care until the day she disappeared in a fire reminiscent of the one from "The Steadfast Tin Soldier." Basically, he parallels Johnny Gruelle (creator of Raggedy Ann & Andy) and his grief over losing his daughter Marcella... except Dr. Medlock is a hell of a lot more psychotic and abusive. In spite of the verbal beatings, manipulation and punishment he administers, he develops a bizarre attachment to Ann as though she were Clara herself...

I'm not sorry to see 2013 go. It's been a horrible year for writing overall; I barely got anything done on my novel at all, and even fanfic drabbles this year were about as much as a trickle. I was just swamped in depression, family drama, and I barely got to do much of anything at all. About the only good thing to come out of this year was getting my 4.0 grade average back after returning college. I just hope I'll be able to keep this up for the next semesters.

I've got so much to catch up on. I hope I don't end up wasting 2014. Time is precious and you don't know what you've got until it's gone.

But I can't confront the doubts I have
I can't admit that maybe the past was bad
And so, for the sake of momentum
I condemn the future to death so it could match the past

I want to do the exact opposite of that. Things are going to change. Starting midnight.

Daylight bleeds to darkness
The moonlight shines down interstellar beams
Everybody's here with me
Whose eyes am I behind?
Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to...
Some people call me the space cowboy
I had a dream like that...
I believe I can see the future
I will wait for you until the end of the world
Playground school bell rings again

Hey, that was actually pretty cool. :o

I relate to this song too well, and I'll tell you why. I hero-worshiped several fandom BNFs, but I was also intimidated by them. But yay! I got to be friends with them! Only for them to turn out to be humongous jerks. Usually there was no way I could directly talk to them, unless it was through LJ comments or something. I was always baffled as to how many close friends these BNFs had, especially when said friends gushed about what nice and mature people they were when to me they were anything but. I kept my mouth shut, yearning to speak my mind even if it meant a blow-up between us. The more I thought about what I wanted to say to the BNFs who were my "friends", the angrier and angrier I'd get.

And I know it's wrong. I know it's wrong to bottle anger, I know it's wrong to be consumed by so much rage by someone for the pettiest reasons, it's wrong for me to be wasting my time on it. It drains me and makes me feel horrible, and I wish all that pent-up anger and grudges would go away, so I can focus the things I love and that make me happy, but it haunts me and I hate it. Hence the "I believe in peace, bitch!", "I can't believe this violence in mind" and "I want to kill this killing wish" lines. The BNFs may or may not be horrible people, and admittedly I was extremely spiteful toward a few of them for the stupidest, shallowest reasons, but this crippling bitterness is a feeling that I desperately wished would go away. And no song better expresses that than "The Waitress."

I feel like an egotistical prat whenever I make stuff involving my own characters, including icons. Which is something I need to get over. Ugh.

I'm still feeling down, so have a song related to the character instead.



This post has been crossposted with Dreamwidth at http://shamanicshaymin.dreamwidth.org/45920.html. Pick your poison. Mwoiiiiiiiing~!

We're two posts in, therefore two Pokémon will be sharing the spotlight today! Chilvary lives on... meet Gardevoir and Gallade!



( First person to mention porn or A Pokémon Story gets shot with so many holes you'll turn into bloody swiss cheese. With that out of the way... )

But in this brotherhood I still believe
And for the ones we've lost my soul will grieve
Yet through the world alone I wander for I know somewhere
I will find my brothers, by the sword I swear!

I wonder who #3 will be! Hmm...

Reply to this entry and I will give you five prompts. Think of a song that fits each prompt, post the five songs to your journal, and explain your choices. Give prompts to the people who reply to you.

I got: sunset, enormity, bullet, traveling, and fresh.

( Youtube links galore! )