All art is at once surface and symbol

I relate to this song too well, and I'll tell you why. I hero-worshiped several fandom BNFs, but I was also intimidated by them. But yay! I got to be friends with them! Only for them to turn out to be humongous jerks. Usually there was no way I could directly talk to them, unless it was through LJ comments or something. I was always baffled as to how many close friends these BNFs had, especially when said friends gushed about what nice and mature people they were when to me they were anything but. I kept my mouth shut, yearning to speak my mind even if it meant a blow-up between us. The more I thought about what I wanted to say to the BNFs who were my "friends", the angrier and angrier I'd get.

And I know it's wrong. I know it's wrong to bottle anger, I know it's wrong to be consumed by so much rage by someone for the pettiest reasons, it's wrong for me to be wasting my time on it. It drains me and makes me feel horrible, and I wish all that pent-up anger and grudges would go away, so I can focus the things I love and that make me happy, but it haunts me and I hate it. Hence the "I believe in peace, bitch!", "I can't believe this violence in mind" and "I want to kill this killing wish" lines. The BNFs may or may not be horrible people, and admittedly I was extremely spiteful toward a few of them for the stupidest, shallowest reasons, but this crippling bitterness is a feeling that I desperately wished would go away. And no song better expresses that than "The Waitress."

I recommend just listening to the audio, or else you'll get a seizure from this. :P

I didn't think I'd have a costume this year, but thanks to Dave and Dad, I'll be going to a Halloween party as Sadako~ ♥ Speaking of which...

"Don't Leave Home" by Dido is supposed to be about addiction, and even without that Word Of God, lines like "You won't need other friends anymore" and "I arrived when you were weak / I'll make you weaker like a child" ought to be a tip-off. Dido has said that people have told her they played it at their weddings and that she finds this fact a little disturbing.

Fuck. I've always listened to the whole song and interpreted those lines much differently, and thought it was an adorable fluffy song that cheered me up whenever I listened to it. WELP nice to know I was completely wrong. That song is ruined for me now.

Meanwhile, is anyone else sick and tired of people using "White Flag" as the fandom anthem for OTP/shipping? Especially when the song itself is about someone wanting to stay with their ex even though the relationship is clearly falling apart. Not exactly stable grounds for supporting your OTP with.

The Wrestler and the Cornflake Girl

I was never a wrestling fan so I don't know who the heck Mick Foley is, but this entire article gives me the warm fuzzies. Basically, anyone who's ever had music have a positive impact on their lives (or say it's changed their life for the better) can relate with this, whether or not they're Tori Amos fans. The original journal post I found the article at even drew adorable fanart. Daaaaw.

I have this green sleeveless turtleneck shirt, and I swear it reminds me of a Final Fantasy character or something, but I can't put my finger on it.

I picked up several books from a Banned Books special that was showing at Half-Price Books, including Grimm's Fairy Tales, the Decameron, and a book that I've been interested in for some time... Maurice by E.M. Forster. Written in 1913, published in 1971 posthumously. A story about gay men with a happy ending? YES PLZ. *-*

Gotta finish American Psycho first, though. I'm almost halfway there! Usually I get so distracted when it comes to reading, I read the opening chapters and then see something shiny and the poor book gets abandoned despite me promising myself that I'd finish it later. I got to a really icky part in the book though. D: If you've seen the movie, there's a part where Patrick Bateman talks to a bum before knifing him and kicking his dog to death. Guess what? In the book, it's even worse. :D Two words: Eye Scream. And it's written very viscerally and uggggh. DDD: Then the very next chapter, Bateman shares his thoughts on Genesis. O BATEMAN. Boy am I looking forward to the infamous rat scene. /sarcasm X(

I was also reading American Gods at the library, and I finally got to the scene where Shadow and Wednesday arrive at House on the Rock. You know that weird old guy in bed I took a photo of from my trip there? Turns out it's one of those mechanical machines that you put coins in! :o I dunno how the hell I missed that, but I'm sad. Skeletons and the devil pop out in his room! Here's a video of Death of a Drunkard in all its glory, as long as you ignore the annoying commentary.

I went to a pool party with James and friends because Eric is leaving to join the Navy. It makes me sad. :( I really like Eric and I'm going to miss him. DnD went well all the same, but after the first round, I got really conked out and ended up sleeping. :( More like half-asleep since I heard what was going on, but I was dead to the world and groggy all the same. Weird.

Damn. I'm used to the animation style throwing me off, but Puella Magi Madoka Magica has a really grim soundtrack. :o Oktavia's theme is incredible though. I also like Mami's theme and "Sis puella magica!" The latter seems to poke at me whenever I think about my novel. Huh.

Give me a fandom and I'll tell you:

My OTP
My OT3
My guilty pleasure ship
A ship that makes me nauseous
A ship that is too fluffy for words
A ship that gives me nightmares
The sexiest ship to ever set sail

+

Give me a series and I'll tell you:

❤ Fave male:
❤ Fave female:
✖ Least favorite:
✔ Who resembles me:
❤ Most attractive:
❤ Three more characters that I like.

I sprained my ankle on an evening walk. Fun. Now my foot is a moving iceberg. D:

In other news, I hope Nostalgia Chick does a review of Love Never Dies. I knew everything I heard about it was a trainwreck, but that clip of "Beneath a Moonless Sky" from "Top 10 Songs About Fucking (From Musicals)" (I cheered when "Touch-a Touch-a" and Avenue Q was listed. :D) is... wow. Really, Weber?

AND I HELD YOOOOOU
AND I TOUCHED YOOOOOU
AND EMBRACED YOOOOOU
AND I FELT YOOOOOU
AND I BOINKED YOOOOOU

It's. So. Bad. And I don't mean bad like the Power Glove.

ARTICLE FAIL TIME: Lloyd Webber, 61, is the man behind musicals including The Phantom of the Opera, Cats and The Sound of Music.

Yeah, Weber only wished he did Sound of Music.

WHO NEEDS YOU WEBER. I'm watching No. 6 with Jean~ ♥

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Now that I think of it, Eleanor Rigby comes close. :o

I've been hearing about this book called Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson. Typically, I don't go out of my way to read most YA, especially with the rough subject matter it deals with, but since Privileged Parents wanted the book banned and some religious asshole called it "soft-core porn," (this article was how I first heard about Speak in the first place) naturally I felt compelled to read it. :p

What do you know! I kept forgetting the author's name, knew it ended with "Anderson," and I went to the library and bam! There it was. I picked it up, thinking I'd read the first chapter or so then go back to what I was originally gonna do (poke at my Long Ridge assignment) but nope. I ended up reading the entire friggin' thing, or at least I would've if the library didn't close and I hadn't left my library card at home. Right after the page of the so-called "porn" (seriously, w.t.fucking.f. I hope Scroggins gets his fucking balls burned off, and that'd be too kind) so... I was feeling quite distraught. I wanted something good to happen to Melinda, I wanted her to find happiness, I wanted her to speak, dammit. Which I think the entire book was her way of doing just that.

( Spoilers for Speak. Long discussion about high school and sexual assault, and why Puri is pleased with this book. )

As powerful Speak is, I need to read something light. D: I'm feeling squeamish and sad and I want to read about happy things. So I'm going to continue my conversion into Homestuck. Waaaah.

Talking to Nam about Raggedy Ann & Andy is so much fun. ;; I'm tempted to draw stuff or something, but mwaaa, my art is so ugly. XD I'm trying to avoid thinking about my Writer's Test for a while 'cause I'm at this stage where I hate everything I write again and it doesn't help I'm still stuffy and have a slight cough. I have a library book due, but I'll have to ask Mom or Dad to drive me 'cause I'm scared of going out in the heat. It's kind of a long walk to the library and back, and last time I came home, I felt kinda sick and feverish. I was worried I'd pass out from overheat or something, even though I wore a hat and sunglasses. D:

I haven't been to VDex in AGES. I'm going around catching chocolate Mareeps for the heck of it, haha. XD

Day 9. A song/artist you wish more people knew about

Iris is probably the most obscure artist on my flist, and I wouldn't have heard about them if it wasn't for Zar. I know at least one other listener on my flist as well, so I'm gonna spend this post talking about Suzanne Vega. It's all live on YouTube, so instead of links, have an Mp3 post. Yay! :D

I came across her work on a Pokemon Sapphire FST, and a song for the Magma/Aqua orb was an interesting little tune called Small Blue Thing. It was pretty and atmospheric, and its subject not quite like anything I've heard before:

Today I am a small blue thing
Like a marble or an eye
With my knees against my mouth
I am perfectly round
I am watching you

I ran into Suzanne Vega several more times on fst after that, with range going from a similar premise to Small Blue Thing (If I Were a Weapon, Machine Ballerina) songs of quiet-but-strong-resolve (Solitude Standing, Marlene on the Wall, Rock in This Pocket (Song of David)), some that were sad (The Queen and the Solider, Night Vision) and others that were strange, interesting and/or fun (Blood Makes Noise, Stockings) Then I froze at the name of a particular song: Institution Green. Long ago, I read a disturbing fic by Sad Mudokon about Shy Guys that was titled, Golden Saffron or Institution Green?, whose ending was left for interpretation whether the protagonist found salvation in his brutal death or had gone mad from the trauma. The second I saw the title, I thought, "Holy shit, it's that fic." and wondered if Sad Mudokon had this song in mind while she was writing. :o And I, urm, was playing this song after a super rough emotional period of my life, so it was a surreal experience. <.<;;;

( 30 Day Music Meme )

I'm amazed how well EB0's vocal soundtrack goes with Ann & Andy. Heh.

I completely forgotten Luigi walked shirtless in the desert in the Mario movie. Holy crap, there's even close-ups! In broad daylight!

Day 7. A song/artist that invariably sparks your creativity

I have entire playlists for my novels, different characters, shippings, FSTs, horror, smut scenes... I've got a song for everything~ ♥ And there's things like Dream Theater - Pull Me Under whose full 8:22 minutes get me pumped and going. 8)

Frou Frou and Imogen Heap? Prominent. Her music is like my Reading Rainbow~



See this famous AMV? That's what inspiration looks like.

One of my all-time favorite songs is Come Here Boy. It's one of those magical songs I can imagine some mystical being coming to my window to serenade me with as he takes my hand and dances with me in the starry sky. ;; It touches the little girl in me that's dreamed of adventure and love and fascinating worlds beyond the imagination, and no matter where I go, I can get there with that sort of music. ;; (I'm no stranger in your dreams...) Let Go is another favorite of mine, for different reasons. Just something to me to wear my cool sunglasses to and be all "Deal with it." 8)

The Walk and Glittering Cloud (Plague of Locusts) remind me of Braid, one of the two main characters of my incomplete NaNoWriMo '09 novel, Martryoshka (inspired by Eversion, Lovecraft, and Poe). Braid is a bizarre scarecrow-like being who actually came to existence as a "glitch" that appeared in the space between dimensions. He can move between worlds without his body/soul altering, and his wandering kinda urm... messed things up for him and everyone else, since he technically shouldn't exist. It sucks being Braid.

What kind of scene do I need to write? Fluffy? Maybe A New Kind of Love or Goodnight & Go. Depressing? The Dumbing Down of Love. Creepy? Psychobabble. Aha! fits in there somewhere.

( 30 Day Music Meme )