See this icon? This is me.

[shamanicshaymin]

So I took a deep breath and forced myself to watch Manaphy and the Prince of the Sea. It was better than the manga adaptation. Marginally. The beginning was the only good thing about it because Jackie is awesome. How it tricks you into believing you're getting into something good! I even prepared myself for watching the damn movie:



Greenband Jiggly: Which reminds me. I think I memoried something from LJ about how to watch a bad movie.
darkfreakoid: lol
darkfreakoid: depends what kind of bad movie
darkfreakoid: the "this is so boring" bad movie and the "god this shit is retarded hilarious" bad movie
Greenband Jiggly: Or "AUGH THIS MOVIE IS SO ANNOYING AND STUPID" bad movie.
darkfreakoid: I think buizel was the only good thing about the manaphy movie *shot*
Greenband Jiggly: http://merovingian.livejournal.com/136337.html
darkfreakoid: hahaha
darkfreakoid: this is hilarious
darkfreakoid: I like #1
Greenband Jiggly: #1: The Phantom is the gorilla.
Greenband Jiggly: I can see him banging his chest now!
darkfreakoid: that's exactly what I was thinking
Greenband Jiggly: Lift barrels and chuck them at May like in Donkey Kong!
darkfreakoid: #8: Every May/Manaphy separation scene
Greenband Jiggly: IF I NEVER KNEEEEEEEEW YOOOOOOU
IF I NEVER FELT THIS LOVE
I WOULD HAVE NO INKLING OF HOW PRECIOUS LIFE CAN BEEEEEEE
Greenband Jiggly: Or King Louie's song from the Jungle Book.
Greenband Jiggly: For when Heart Swap happens.
darkfreakoid: lol
Greenband Jiggly: 4. JACKIE/ASH
darkfreakoid: No her song would just go MAAAAAAANAAAAPPHHHYYYY
Greenband Jiggly: MANAPHY
MANAPHY
I'LL NEVER STOP SAYING MANAPHY
Greenband Jiggly: MANAPHY
SAY IT LOUD AND THERE'S MUSIC PLAYING
darkfreakoid: there should be one that states "When other characters are off screen, imagine what they're doing"
Greenband Jiggly: MANAPHY
MANAPHY
I JUST KISSED A GIRL NAMED MANAPHY
Greenband Jiggly: Ash and Jackie = having sex
Greenband Jiggly: When a character launches into a long-winded philosophical monologue, imagine him/her masturbating.
Greenband Jiggly: I LOVE THIS ONE
darkfreakoid: during May's manaphy song
Greenband Jiggly: Ash: Toniiiiiiiiight, toniiiiiiiiiiiiiiight...
darkfreakoid: imagine a nonspeaking character actually talking in an unexpected voice
darkfreakoid: Manaphy: *deep voiced* Hey broad can you can it?
Greenband Jiggly: Jackie: *holding blanket up to his crotch* Tonight, tonight, it all began tonight....
Ash: *snooooooooore*
Greenband Jiggly: Chatot is Gilbert Godfried.
Greenband Jiggly: And he secretly plans to stab Phantom with a nail.
darkfreakoid: lawl
Greenband Jiggly: Replace all original dialogue with new lines, written on scraps of paper and pulled from a hat.
Greenband Jiggly: *DIES* OH GOD.
Greenband Jiggly: Ask yourself: what would Nabokov have done?
Greenband Jiggly: HE'D FUCK MAY UP
Greenband Jiggly: Buwahahahaha! Forbidden cradle-robbing interspecies incest love it is!
darkfreakoid: hehehe
darkfreakoid: see you're ready to go!
Greenband Jiggly: Yep~!
Greenband Jiggly: Anyway, I'm all pumped! Oh boy oh boy oh boy~
darkfreakoid: hahaha
Greenband Jiggly: Movie time~
Greenband Jiggly: I'll tell you how it goes~

Yet even with the breathing mask and bird-watching for Jackie could prepare me for just how AWFUL this movie is. It sucked!

Manaphy movie: The Little Mermaid meets a watered-down (haha) version of Raiders of the Lost Ark. With Donkey Kong in a pirate suit as the bad guy. Seriously! He lifts a boulder twice his size and it's the closest to a barrel he ever gets to throw at Jackie. Or anyone else. In his own movie, Jackie isn't allowed to do anything exciting after the beginning. If a movie is capable of killing my fun and enthusiasm, it's this one. Subtext? Smashed. (Don't worry, Jackie/Ash! I still believe!) The cutest scene where little Jackie is snuggling with the Swablu, Altaria and Furrets? Ruined by a ridiculous do-do-wop a capella (reggae?) (Guys, you're killing the mood!) Everytime something implies action or something cool and exciting or even touching, it veers away and takes the easy route out. God I was squirming in my seat already! Though it's my head that hurts. It's... ow. I SAW IT FOR JACKIE. Did I get enough of him? NO. FUCK NO. Even being prepared to be disappointed, I KNEW my spirits would get crushed. Hell, for watching this movie, I demand a fucking reward. Namely Jackie pr0n. WHY JACKIE. WHY WERE YOU WASTED AS A CHARACTER IN A HORRIBLE FILM!? YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL. WHY? WHY!?

This and Movie 7 need to die in a pit and go to fucking hell. God I hope Movie 6 and Movie 4 don't make me throw as many objects at the screen as I do now. (Barrels, in this case. With fire and knives inside) Interesting that one of my favorite PokeMovies, Movie 8, had to be wedged between those piles of sewage.



P.S. The Sea Temple Akusha = In reality, the Sleeping Beauty castle of the Walt Disney logo.