101 Tips to Becoming a Better Writer
Mar. 31st, 2025 09:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shamanicshayminIn these troubled times, I have decided to bestow upon my fellow creatives 101 tips on writing fiction! Follow them, and you are guaranteed to write stuff that I like and appeals specifically to me are guaranteed masterpieces.
1. If you can’t talk about your story without spoilers, that means you rely on cheap shock value to draw your readers in.
2. Established Couple is the best romantic trope, because then you don’t annoy the reader with unnecessary Will They Won’t Theys or Slow Burns.
3. Enemies to Lovers > Rivals to Lovers. Every time. Rivals to Lovers is the poor man’s version of Enemies to Lovers.
4. Victims of abuse overcoming their abuse (ex. Buddy Armstrong) and becoming healthier are not “redemption arcs.” Nor can it be part of one.
5. Heroes refusing to kill villains out of the fear “they’ll become just like them” isn’t showing the higher ground. It’s enabling fascism.
6. Two women kissing in a movie after 39 TV episodes of manipulating each other isn’t “Revolutionary.” It’s fetishized abuse designed to get straight men’s rocks off.
7. Social media is never a replacement for canon. If I want to learn important details about the story, I’d read it IN THE DAMN STORY ITSELF. I shouldn’t have to browse through the author’s goddamn Twitter to discover a character’s Twagical Past.
8. If a character’s body count isn’t OVER 9000 innocent lives, are they truly a good villain?
9. Tip 8 doesn’t apply to characters who are still total lame-os no matter how many planets they blow up. Then it’s just boring.
10. The reader is always right. If someone says your G-rated picture book about bunnies having a picnic is pornography, you intended that as the creator. You fucking sicko.
11. Don’t ship adults with minors. That’s pedophilia. (Ex. Utena/Anthy, Kirk/Spock, Sherlock/Watson)
12. Don’t sexualize teenagers. That includes legal adults because their brain is always still developing.
13. Don’t make up weird anime excuses for sexualizing teenage characters (“They look and act like they’re in the early-to-mid-20s and the only mention of their age is in an instruction booklet for a single video game.” “Everybody is drawn like buff 40-year-old wrestlers.”) See Rule 10.
14. Making metaphors for LGBTQ rep is the coward’s way out compared to just making LGBTQ characters, even if you belong in a country where executive meddling and bigoted laws make such metaphors mandatory. You must cater to first world sensibilities, morals, and privileges at all times.
15. If there’s humans in your story, and your only LGBTQ rep is non-human, you’re a big coward. Stop making humans so boring!
16. If the only poodle in your work is a spoiled rich bitch who’s too dumb to live, you’re a huge turd.
17. If the only wolves in your story are loners, evil, emo, or all of the above, you’re a huge turd.
18. If the only cat in your story is a vain mean bitch who bullies all the other characters (especially the sweet loyal dog) and is a chronic backstabber, you’re a huge turd AND a misogynist.
19. If your only goat characters are secret villains/antagonists, part of some demonic cult, or dumb farm hicks used for comic relief, you’re a huge turd.
20. If the only pigs (the animal) in your story are stupid, greedy, sloppy, gluttonous assholes who have no sense of hygiene, you’re a huge turd and fatphobic.
21. If the only rats in your story are sly evil vermin who spread disease and bite babies while the mice are pure good heroes, you’re a huge turd.
22. If you portray predator animals as irredeemable monsters and prey animals as innocent angels, you’re a huge turd.
23. If you portray abuse in any form and justice doesn’t immediately smite the perpetuator, it means you endorse abuse in general and you’re just getting your rocks off it. This goes double for sexual assault/molestation/incest and triple for CSA.
24. If you sideline every non-human character to focus on the single generic white human boy in the cast, you’re a huge turd and lack imagination.
25. If the only foxes in your story are sly criminals and/or promiscuous sluts, you’re a huge turd. You’re also just horny.
26. Related to the above, this goes double if your promiscuous slutty fox character is female.
27. You’re either a planner or a pantser, no inbetween. “Plantsers” don’t exist and are as dumb as grass Pokemon.
28. Don’t try to make another Chrono Trigger. Not even the original creators could make another Chrono Trigger. All you’ll do is just end up creating one of the most polarizing games ever, especially for fans of the original. Follow the wise words of Homer Simpson: “The best thing to do is never try. :)”
29. Slice of life will always be more fulfilling than action-packed adventures in the end. That’s why Davey and Goliath is more successful than Dragonball Z.
30. Choose if your work is going to be horror or cutesy fluff, and stick with it. Don’t make an adorable fantasy/magical girl/animal story then turn it into a tale with dark themes and/or eldritch horrors, THAT JUST PISSES ME OFF.
31. Guinea pigs, hamsters, and gerbils are NOT interchangeable.
32. Zombies are overdone. Calling them “ghouls” doesn’t change that.
33. If the only lizard characters in your story are soulless cold-blooded thieves, you’re a huge turd who believes in antisemitic conspiracy theories.
34. Having your story told through only one POV is boring.
35. Writers cannot become artists and vice versa. Mangaka and comic writers don’t exist because then it would contradict my point.
36. Related to Rule 2: Will They, Won’t They is addiction-peddling. That’s why nobody likes Mario/Peach, but they DO like Diddy/Dixie.
37. Gayer doesn’t make it better. If LISA: The Painful RPG taught us anything, it’s that “gay Mario/Peach” is not an improvement. (Godammit Terry, stop getting kidnapped!)
38. Someone on the interwebs once said, “We need more lesbian noncon because purity is boring.” They are absolutely right.
39. Women who fetishize abuse (UtenaAnthys, MadoHomus, BradTerries, Flick/CJs, KirbyBandannaDees, etc) and claim it’s “just fiction” are gaslighting you. They do more damage to the world than our current government.
40. The Invisible Storm is right. If you see an abuse fetishist on your timeline, put everything on hold and write a call-out post. Their fandom likes and creations are all the proof you need that they’re a criminal. EXCLUDE! EXCLUDE!
41. Rape victims should never be villains. If you write Brad Armstrong as a rape victim, you are a misogynistic pig erasing the REAL CANON rape victim Lisa’s pain, and excusing his shitty parenting of Buddy.
42. If straight women love your character (but straight men don’t), you wrote a tumblr sexyman and there’s a 90% chance he’s your worst character.
43. If one of your writers believes Brad can be redeemed but Buzzo can’t, they should be fired.
44. The best solution to a love triangle is murder.
45. If you have a male character who actually respects and cares about a woman’s autonomy, he’s probably about as exciting as cardboard. This is a good thing, as men shouldn't overshadow women in your story.
46. You should write strong female characters with no flaws and who are absolute jerks to men (all men are sexist no matter how nice they are) who hate romance (the exception is with other strong female characters) and the blonde cheerleader sluts who bullied them in high school. Every female character should be a role-model; you don't want to write a damsel in distress, do you?
47. There’s too much butch women in the media, despite the fact I can only name three characters at the top of my head who are.
48. Characters with long or hooked noses are always always always ALWAYS antisemitic.
49. Nudity is always sexual. That’s why magical girl transformations are inherently pedophiliac.
50. Writing a relationship based on a particular “dynamic” (ex. Friends to Lovers, Doomed Romance) is always a bad idea, no matter how impossible tropes are to ignore.
51. Negative Bookreads reviews are a stain upon your personal reputation, so it’s important to go to war with them and prove how stupid they are.
52. If you start receiving death/rape threats, your accounts are being doxxed, find it difficult to get jobs, keep having pizzas delivered to your house, and your mailbox is stuffed with envelopes containing anthrax, that’s normal fandom behavior. Just ignore harassment and your bullies will get bored eventually.
53. Related to the above, “Stop harassing people and being childish dicks” are words that should never leave your mouth. It means you enable perverts who do fetish art of rape victims or draw fat cartoon characters skinny.
54. Bitching at people who are wrong online is a far more productive use of your time than standing by or being complacent. Don’t worry, your story can wait!
55. If you’re thinking about fanservice, you already failed. You think Evangelion would’ve gotten anywhere if it had shallow fanservice?
56. Your story can only build a gigantic fanbase if your characters are shippable. Homestuck and Hazbin Hotel have more lasting resonance with audiences than Ib and OFF for this reason.
57. Never do sexy stuff or porn with characters who are rape victims. It’s fetishizing them and it makes you a giant turd.
58. If you write romance or sex with autistic characters, you are fetishizing child-coded people and it makes you a giant pedophiliac turd.
59. If you write romance or sex with short characters, you are fetishizing child-coded people and it makes you a giant pedophiliac turd.
60. “Forced diversity”/“Woke” isn’t a criticism, just conservative dudebros being butthurt. Dismiss on sight.
61. “Reclaimed slurs” aren’t universal, and minority groups shouldn’t be reclaiming them anyway.
62. Romantic couples should only be the same height as each other, or you’re fetishizing a pedophiliac relationship.
63. A good twist concept is enough to get a story going. What if Superman was evil? Is Mario on drugs? What if the Disney princess saved herself? None of these ideas have ever been written before!
64. If you’re writing medieval fantasy and have dragons in your world but think black people are “unrealistic,” jump off a bridge.
65. If you think disabled characters have no place in a fantasy world under the excuse of “magic cures all disabilities” jump off a bridge.
66. The best potential romantic partner for a character is their enemy. They’re enemies for a reason.
67. Everybody should be defined by their romantic relationships. That includes aces.
68. There’s a dearth of male friendships in the media, and anyone who tries to say otherwise is a thirsty fujoshi who wants to fetishize gay men than someone who actually cares about gay representation.
69. Don't listen to anyone who ships computers with humans (Ex. DaveHAL, GlaDOS/Chell, AMTed) They're abuse fetishists who support using AI in their art and writing.
70. “Sexual awakening” is not a real character plot. Utena and Yuri Kuma Arashi have no story because of this.
71. Boob armor is always made by misogynists. That's why Kill La Kill is the most disgusting show ever made.
72. Marge Simpson's brief stint in writing Itchy & Scratchy should be the norm for television everywhere.
73. The best way to avoid tokenism is to use multiple characters.
74. Want an easy way to get used to diverse casts? For every straight white cis character, replace them with a chinchilla instead. The world could always use more chinchillas. (Unless you’re Ben Shapiro, in which case the best advice I have for you is to jump off a bridge)
75. If people accuse you of being problematic, consider it free writing advice! Nothing comes out of bad faith.
76. Writing about bigotry against LGBTQ people and POC is tired and offensive. Just let people live!
77. “No Fun Allowed” is an acceptable attitude when it comes to your story’s audience. You don’t want abusers and pedophiles in your fandom, right?
78. Coffeeshop AUs are always more popular than noncon.
79. Don’t stuff every idea in one story if you don’t intend to follow through with them. That’s how you get failures like Mawaru Penguindrum.
80. D&D Alignments are not adequate character building.
81. It’s okay to shit on important cornerstones of LGBTQ history if they’re considered problematic by modern-day standards.
82. Anyone who likes Psycho and/or Silence of the Lambs is a giant transphobic turd.
83. It’s perfectly acceptable to punish rapist enablers with permanent disability, for they’re even worse than the rapist themselves.
84. Sex scenes are never necessary. It also doesn’t matter if the scene you write isn’t intended to be sexy–all sex scenes exist for the purposes of jacking off to and have no story importance. If you’d rather be horny than write a story worth telling, that’s what exploitation films and Mills & Boone are for.
85. Internet Reviewers are the best people to get writing advice from, as they are not blinded by bias or purposely leave out context of what they’re reviewing to make their points. Nostalgia Critic’s review of “The Wall” will teach you more about writing than The Elements of Style ever will.
86. Minors are the most reliable critics to adult media you will find. If you believe they’re misinterpreting the themes of works not targeted for them (ex. LISA, Fear & Hunger), you’re a huge turd.
87. Anything meant to get an audience excited in your work (ex. Cliffhangers, “shocking twists,” constantly raised stakes, foreshadowing) is addiction-based peddling. You’re better than that.
88. Your writer identity should be based on the top five pieces of media that piss you off the most. Everything you’ll understand about storytelling will be hyper-focused on doing the opposite of these works.
89. Continuity is for sissies.
90. Always do a thorough search history and learn every little facet of an author’s life and beliefs before consuming any of their work. There’s no value to be gained or learned from problematic authors, especially if they’re bigots and/or rapists like Gaiman and Rowling.
91. The Jungle Book is gayer than The Great Mouse Detective and The Fox and the Hound.
92. There’s no such thing as a “good” cop. This is a trick used by fascists to uphold copaganda.
93. As long as you understand that your evil characters are evil and should never be considered role models, then nothing you do in life will ever be evil.
94. A/B/O is based on faulty research of wolves later redacted by the same scientist who proposed it. If your wolf or werewolf society centers around “alpha” dynamics, you’re a giant turd and an idiot who relies on outdated science.
95. Writing stories out of spite is a petty thing to do.
96. You know more about anime and Japan than Japan knows about themselves, especially if you’re a white American.
97. “Gay couple is friends with a woman who exists for more than being their wingman or fangirl” is a good trope and vice versa for lesbians and men.
98. Romantic and platonic relationships are the only types of relationships that exist. People trying to define friendships as “queerplatonic” are devaluing them.
99. Stay in your lane. Don't bother writing anyone who isn't like you if you're just going to be problematic about it.
100. When all else fails, leave the writing to your pets. If you don't have any, you're screwed.
101.
((This is a parody of an infamous lolcow's "writing tips." While long since deleted off the internet, plenty of reaction videos on Youtube have it preserved, such as this one.))
1. If you can’t talk about your story without spoilers, that means you rely on cheap shock value to draw your readers in.
2. Established Couple is the best romantic trope, because then you don’t annoy the reader with unnecessary Will They Won’t Theys or Slow Burns.
3. Enemies to Lovers > Rivals to Lovers. Every time. Rivals to Lovers is the poor man’s version of Enemies to Lovers.
4. Victims of abuse overcoming their abuse (ex. Buddy Armstrong) and becoming healthier are not “redemption arcs.” Nor can it be part of one.
5. Heroes refusing to kill villains out of the fear “they’ll become just like them” isn’t showing the higher ground. It’s enabling fascism.
6. Two women kissing in a movie after 39 TV episodes of manipulating each other isn’t “Revolutionary.” It’s fetishized abuse designed to get straight men’s rocks off.
7. Social media is never a replacement for canon. If I want to learn important details about the story, I’d read it IN THE DAMN STORY ITSELF. I shouldn’t have to browse through the author’s goddamn Twitter to discover a character’s Twagical Past.
8. If a character’s body count isn’t OVER 9000 innocent lives, are they truly a good villain?
9. Tip 8 doesn’t apply to characters who are still total lame-os no matter how many planets they blow up. Then it’s just boring.
10. The reader is always right. If someone says your G-rated picture book about bunnies having a picnic is pornography, you intended that as the creator. You fucking sicko.
11. Don’t ship adults with minors. That’s pedophilia. (Ex. Utena/Anthy, Kirk/Spock, Sherlock/Watson)
12. Don’t sexualize teenagers. That includes legal adults because their brain is always still developing.
13. Don’t make up weird anime excuses for sexualizing teenage characters (“They look and act like they’re in the early-to-mid-20s and the only mention of their age is in an instruction booklet for a single video game.” “Everybody is drawn like buff 40-year-old wrestlers.”) See Rule 10.
14. Making metaphors for LGBTQ rep is the coward’s way out compared to just making LGBTQ characters, even if you belong in a country where executive meddling and bigoted laws make such metaphors mandatory. You must cater to first world sensibilities, morals, and privileges at all times.
15. If there’s humans in your story, and your only LGBTQ rep is non-human, you’re a big coward. Stop making humans so boring!
16. If the only poodle in your work is a spoiled rich bitch who’s too dumb to live, you’re a huge turd.
17. If the only wolves in your story are loners, evil, emo, or all of the above, you’re a huge turd.
18. If the only cat in your story is a vain mean bitch who bullies all the other characters (especially the sweet loyal dog) and is a chronic backstabber, you’re a huge turd AND a misogynist.
19. If your only goat characters are secret villains/antagonists, part of some demonic cult, or dumb farm hicks used for comic relief, you’re a huge turd.
20. If the only pigs (the animal) in your story are stupid, greedy, sloppy, gluttonous assholes who have no sense of hygiene, you’re a huge turd and fatphobic.
21. If the only rats in your story are sly evil vermin who spread disease and bite babies while the mice are pure good heroes, you’re a huge turd.
22. If you portray predator animals as irredeemable monsters and prey animals as innocent angels, you’re a huge turd.
23. If you portray abuse in any form and justice doesn’t immediately smite the perpetuator, it means you endorse abuse in general and you’re just getting your rocks off it. This goes double for sexual assault/molestation/incest and triple for CSA.
24. If you sideline every non-human character to focus on the single generic white human boy in the cast, you’re a huge turd and lack imagination.
25. If the only foxes in your story are sly criminals and/or promiscuous sluts, you’re a huge turd. You’re also just horny.
26. Related to the above, this goes double if your promiscuous slutty fox character is female.
27. You’re either a planner or a pantser, no inbetween. “Plantsers” don’t exist and are as dumb as grass Pokemon.
28. Don’t try to make another Chrono Trigger. Not even the original creators could make another Chrono Trigger. All you’ll do is just end up creating one of the most polarizing games ever, especially for fans of the original. Follow the wise words of Homer Simpson: “The best thing to do is never try. :)”
29. Slice of life will always be more fulfilling than action-packed adventures in the end. That’s why Davey and Goliath is more successful than Dragonball Z.
30. Choose if your work is going to be horror or cutesy fluff, and stick with it. Don’t make an adorable fantasy/magical girl/animal story then turn it into a tale with dark themes and/or eldritch horrors, THAT JUST PISSES ME OFF.
31. Guinea pigs, hamsters, and gerbils are NOT interchangeable.
32. Zombies are overdone. Calling them “ghouls” doesn’t change that.
33. If the only lizard characters in your story are soulless cold-blooded thieves, you’re a huge turd who believes in antisemitic conspiracy theories.
34. Having your story told through only one POV is boring.
35. Writers cannot become artists and vice versa. Mangaka and comic writers don’t exist because then it would contradict my point.
36. Related to Rule 2: Will They, Won’t They is addiction-peddling. That’s why nobody likes Mario/Peach, but they DO like Diddy/Dixie.
37. Gayer doesn’t make it better. If LISA: The Painful RPG taught us anything, it’s that “gay Mario/Peach” is not an improvement. (Godammit Terry, stop getting kidnapped!)
38. Someone on the interwebs once said, “We need more lesbian noncon because purity is boring.” They are absolutely right.
39. Women who fetishize abuse (UtenaAnthys, MadoHomus, BradTerries, Flick/CJs, KirbyBandannaDees, etc) and claim it’s “just fiction” are gaslighting you. They do more damage to the world than our current government.
40. The Invisible Storm is right. If you see an abuse fetishist on your timeline, put everything on hold and write a call-out post. Their fandom likes and creations are all the proof you need that they’re a criminal. EXCLUDE! EXCLUDE!
41. Rape victims should never be villains. If you write Brad Armstrong as a rape victim, you are a misogynistic pig erasing the REAL CANON rape victim Lisa’s pain, and excusing his shitty parenting of Buddy.
42. If straight women love your character (but straight men don’t), you wrote a tumblr sexyman and there’s a 90% chance he’s your worst character.
43. If one of your writers believes Brad can be redeemed but Buzzo can’t, they should be fired.
44. The best solution to a love triangle is murder.
45. If you have a male character who actually respects and cares about a woman’s autonomy, he’s probably about as exciting as cardboard. This is a good thing, as men shouldn't overshadow women in your story.
46. You should write strong female characters with no flaws and who are absolute jerks to men (all men are sexist no matter how nice they are) who hate romance (the exception is with other strong female characters) and the blonde cheerleader sluts who bullied them in high school. Every female character should be a role-model; you don't want to write a damsel in distress, do you?
47. There’s too much butch women in the media, despite the fact I can only name three characters at the top of my head who are.
48. Characters with long or hooked noses are always always always ALWAYS antisemitic.
49. Nudity is always sexual. That’s why magical girl transformations are inherently pedophiliac.
50. Writing a relationship based on a particular “dynamic” (ex. Friends to Lovers, Doomed Romance) is always a bad idea, no matter how impossible tropes are to ignore.
51. Negative Bookreads reviews are a stain upon your personal reputation, so it’s important to go to war with them and prove how stupid they are.
52. If you start receiving death/rape threats, your accounts are being doxxed, find it difficult to get jobs, keep having pizzas delivered to your house, and your mailbox is stuffed with envelopes containing anthrax, that’s normal fandom behavior. Just ignore harassment and your bullies will get bored eventually.
53. Related to the above, “Stop harassing people and being childish dicks” are words that should never leave your mouth. It means you enable perverts who do fetish art of rape victims or draw fat cartoon characters skinny.
54. Bitching at people who are wrong online is a far more productive use of your time than standing by or being complacent. Don’t worry, your story can wait!
55. If you’re thinking about fanservice, you already failed. You think Evangelion would’ve gotten anywhere if it had shallow fanservice?
56. Your story can only build a gigantic fanbase if your characters are shippable. Homestuck and Hazbin Hotel have more lasting resonance with audiences than Ib and OFF for this reason.
57. Never do sexy stuff or porn with characters who are rape victims. It’s fetishizing them and it makes you a giant turd.
58. If you write romance or sex with autistic characters, you are fetishizing child-coded people and it makes you a giant pedophiliac turd.
59. If you write romance or sex with short characters, you are fetishizing child-coded people and it makes you a giant pedophiliac turd.
60. “Forced diversity”/“Woke” isn’t a criticism, just conservative dudebros being butthurt. Dismiss on sight.
61. “Reclaimed slurs” aren’t universal, and minority groups shouldn’t be reclaiming them anyway.
62. Romantic couples should only be the same height as each other, or you’re fetishizing a pedophiliac relationship.
63. A good twist concept is enough to get a story going. What if Superman was evil? Is Mario on drugs? What if the Disney princess saved herself? None of these ideas have ever been written before!
64. If you’re writing medieval fantasy and have dragons in your world but think black people are “unrealistic,” jump off a bridge.
65. If you think disabled characters have no place in a fantasy world under the excuse of “magic cures all disabilities” jump off a bridge.
66. The best potential romantic partner for a character is their enemy. They’re enemies for a reason.
67. Everybody should be defined by their romantic relationships. That includes aces.
68. There’s a dearth of male friendships in the media, and anyone who tries to say otherwise is a thirsty fujoshi who wants to fetishize gay men than someone who actually cares about gay representation.
69. Don't listen to anyone who ships computers with humans (Ex. DaveHAL, GlaDOS/Chell, AMTed) They're abuse fetishists who support using AI in their art and writing.
70. “Sexual awakening” is not a real character plot. Utena and Yuri Kuma Arashi have no story because of this.
71. Boob armor is always made by misogynists. That's why Kill La Kill is the most disgusting show ever made.
72. Marge Simpson's brief stint in writing Itchy & Scratchy should be the norm for television everywhere.
73. The best way to avoid tokenism is to use multiple characters.
74. Want an easy way to get used to diverse casts? For every straight white cis character, replace them with a chinchilla instead. The world could always use more chinchillas. (Unless you’re Ben Shapiro, in which case the best advice I have for you is to jump off a bridge)
75. If people accuse you of being problematic, consider it free writing advice! Nothing comes out of bad faith.
76. Writing about bigotry against LGBTQ people and POC is tired and offensive. Just let people live!
77. “No Fun Allowed” is an acceptable attitude when it comes to your story’s audience. You don’t want abusers and pedophiles in your fandom, right?
78. Coffeeshop AUs are always more popular than noncon.
79. Don’t stuff every idea in one story if you don’t intend to follow through with them. That’s how you get failures like Mawaru Penguindrum.
80. D&D Alignments are not adequate character building.
81. It’s okay to shit on important cornerstones of LGBTQ history if they’re considered problematic by modern-day standards.
82. Anyone who likes Psycho and/or Silence of the Lambs is a giant transphobic turd.
83. It’s perfectly acceptable to punish rapist enablers with permanent disability, for they’re even worse than the rapist themselves.
84. Sex scenes are never necessary. It also doesn’t matter if the scene you write isn’t intended to be sexy–all sex scenes exist for the purposes of jacking off to and have no story importance. If you’d rather be horny than write a story worth telling, that’s what exploitation films and Mills & Boone are for.
85. Internet Reviewers are the best people to get writing advice from, as they are not blinded by bias or purposely leave out context of what they’re reviewing to make their points. Nostalgia Critic’s review of “The Wall” will teach you more about writing than The Elements of Style ever will.
86. Minors are the most reliable critics to adult media you will find. If you believe they’re misinterpreting the themes of works not targeted for them (ex. LISA, Fear & Hunger), you’re a huge turd.
87. Anything meant to get an audience excited in your work (ex. Cliffhangers, “shocking twists,” constantly raised stakes, foreshadowing) is addiction-based peddling. You’re better than that.
88. Your writer identity should be based on the top five pieces of media that piss you off the most. Everything you’ll understand about storytelling will be hyper-focused on doing the opposite of these works.
89. Continuity is for sissies.
90. Always do a thorough search history and learn every little facet of an author’s life and beliefs before consuming any of their work. There’s no value to be gained or learned from problematic authors, especially if they’re bigots and/or rapists like Gaiman and Rowling.
91. The Jungle Book is gayer than The Great Mouse Detective and The Fox and the Hound.
92. There’s no such thing as a “good” cop. This is a trick used by fascists to uphold copaganda.
93. As long as you understand that your evil characters are evil and should never be considered role models, then nothing you do in life will ever be evil.
94. A/B/O is based on faulty research of wolves later redacted by the same scientist who proposed it. If your wolf or werewolf society centers around “alpha” dynamics, you’re a giant turd and an idiot who relies on outdated science.
95. Writing stories out of spite is a petty thing to do.
96. You know more about anime and Japan than Japan knows about themselves, especially if you’re a white American.
97. “Gay couple is friends with a woman who exists for more than being their wingman or fangirl” is a good trope and vice versa for lesbians and men.
98. Romantic and platonic relationships are the only types of relationships that exist. People trying to define friendships as “queerplatonic” are devaluing them.
99. Stay in your lane. Don't bother writing anyone who isn't like you if you're just going to be problematic about it.
100. When all else fails, leave the writing to your pets. If you don't have any, you're screwed.
101.
((This is a parody of an infamous lolcow's "writing tips." While long since deleted off the internet, plenty of reaction videos on Youtube have it preserved, such as this one.))
no subject
Date: 2025-04-01 05:38 am (UTC)I think I fully recognized it as satire when you started using the "giant turd" phrase. Lol! I especially liked some of the satire based on "what if" twists being overused ("What if the princess saved herself?! Has become such a common one that I'm often pleased to see the trope played straight.) And those around the self-righteousness of fandom harassers!
What an excellent prank! I think this deserves extra points for being stealthy about being satire at first!
no subject
Date: 2025-04-01 05:51 am (UTC)#83 is sadly based off Mouthwashing drama where people demonize Curly, wash out the complexity of his character, and make ableist comments regarding what happens to him in the game. :(
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Date: 2025-04-01 01:35 pm (UTC)Lina: The way you wrote the cats in these stories is problematic! They should be given medals and treats for waking the humans at 3am, knocking over plants, and shedding on everything!