Wow Cori, you never fail to disappoint.
Mar. 4th, 2013 05:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shamanicshayminI've read some infamous fanfiction. Some disturbed me, some didn't. I've read Cupcakes and Sweet Apple Massacre, endured both versions of Agony in Pink, and wanted to shoot myself in the head after listening to an audio reading of Artemis' Lover and Cloud Mows the Lawn.
But Cori Falls' character bashing is a different level of creepy, particularly her treatment of Ash. Hell, even if you don't care about the guy, some of the stuff she's written might make you queasy. How do I describe it? Well... it's not any ol' boring bashing, that's for certain.
"A bright-eyed young boy who just wanted to be a Pokemon Master, but years of being stalked by Team Rocket plus a family history of mental illness and retardation eventually come to stand in his way. His actions, though made out to be violent and petty, could easily be taken as severe PTSD symptoms and in the end he's become a delusional manchild with only his aging mother to care for him. And the worst part? Everyone but his mother sees him as a walking joke. That's right, rather than getting the psychiatric help he obviously needs Ash is reduced to the village idiot, this thing to be mocked and snarled at just for existing. Oh, and he doesn't even have Pikachu anymore. ...yeah. Think about it."
Before Jessie or James could reply, one of the newcomers spoke. "What would you like for lunch, poopie-kins?"
"I want ten MIGHTY KIDS MEALS with CHEESEBURGERS! Cheeseburgers RULE!!!" came the reply.
Quentin and Judith turned and saw a woman in her early fifties standing at the counter (though she looked much older, since all of her hair was gray and her face was etched with lines of distress). A middle-aged man with greasy black hair and a scraggly beard was with her.
"Did...did that man just order ten children's meals? For himself?!" Quentin sputtered.
"I'm afraid so," Jessie sighed.
"Oh, for pity's sake!" Judith gasped. "What is wrong with him?!"
James sweatdropped. "He's Ash Ketchum. That's what's wrong with him."
Miya buried her face in her hands. "Oh, no. Not him again."
"This guy is such a loser!" Eric groaned.
Rose put her arms around James. "Daddy, I'm scared."
James returned his daughter's embrace. "Don't worry, princess. We won't let the bad man bother you anymore."
Rose buried her face in his chest and sniffled.
"Ashy-poo, don't you think ten meals is a little much?" Delia Ketchum asked her son.
"But moooommmm, I'm huuuuuuungry!" Ash whined.
"You don't want to spoil your dinner, do you? I'm making your favorite -- chili dog and pizza pot pies!" Delia told him.
Judith blinked. "Chili dog and pizza pot pies? Is that even a real food?"
"It is to Ash," Jessie replied.
"Sounds like the kinda crap Cartman's mom would make for him on South Park," Meowth commented.
"But I still want ten cheeeeeeeeseburgers!" Ash shouted. He began to jump up and down and throw a tantrum. "I want ten buuuuuuuurgers!!!!!"
Delia placed a hand to her temple. "Oh, okay, Ashy. Mommy will get ten Mighty Kids Meals for you."
"Can I get some McFlurries, too?" he asked.
"Now, Ash...."
"But I want some McFluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuries!"
"Oh, alright, alright," Delia sighed. She walked up to the counter. "I'll have ten cheeseburger Mighty Kids Meals with Cokes, one of each flavor McFlurry, and a bacon double cheeseburger with a small Coke."
"That'll be $43.94."
"Good lord," Quentin muttered as Delia swiped her credit card and signed the receipt.
"Good lord, indeed," James muttered back.
"Mom, after lunch can we go to the Poke-Mart?" Ash asked as he and Delia seated themselves at a nearby table. "Team Rocket killed my Pikachu, and I want a new one."
"Now Ash, I've told you a thousand times, that wasn't a real Pikachu -- it was a stuffed toy," Delia answered. "Professor Oak had to take your real pokemon away when your license was revoked because you were always making them attack people, remember?"
Ash hadn't been listening to a word she'd said. "But I saaaaaw them!" he whined. "I wanted it to Thundershock that stupid mini-Jessie, mini-James, and mini-Gary, and then the big Jessie ripped its head off! It's just like that time stupid Gary ran over my Bayleef with his car! They're a bunch of evil bastards, mom!"
"Ash, what have I told you about using naughty words like that?" Delia admonished him. "I spoke to Gary and Arwen on the phone the other day -- they told me how you barged into their house and then threatened Sam and his friends. How many times do I have to tell you to leave the Oaks and the Woodsons alone?"
Again, Ash wasn't listening to his mother. While she was reprimanding him, he was looking around the restaurant. Suddenly, his eyes went wide. "AUGH!!!!! It's TEAM ROCKET!!!!!!" he screamed.
Jessie, James, Meowth, Charms, Miya, and Eric tensed. Rose hugged her father more tightly than ever.
Ash jumped up from his table and charged towards them...and then he ran straight past them and stopped in front of a cardboard cut-out of the Hamburglar that was standing next to the playroom entrance. "I see that big bag of cheeseburgers you're carrying, Team Rocket! I know you're trying to steal food, but you're not gonna get away with it! Snorlax! Hit him with your Hyper Beam!" he shouted. He lobbed a plush Snorlax toy at the cardboard cut-out and knocked it over. He then adjusted the lapels of his dirty blue vest and struck a dramatic pose. "No need to thank me, everybody. I am Ash Ketchum from the town of Pallet -- the world's greatest pokemon master! Being a hero is what I do best!"
Jessie, James, and Meowth rolled their eyes.
"Jeez, I knew this guy was stupid, but...holy crap!" Miya gasped.
"Whatta freak-show!" Charms remarked.
"What's he going to do next? Try to capture Ronald McDonald, Grimace, and Birdie because he thinks they're some new kind of pokemon?" Jessie muttered.
"Wouldn't surprise me -- the apple don't fall far from the tree, ya know!" Meowth laughed.
James nodded. "That's for sure."
Sure enough, as Ash went to go into the playroom, he caught sight of the Ronald McDonald, Grimace, and Birdie cut-outs that were standing next to the Hamburglar. "Hey, mom, did Mimie evolve, or something?" he asked.
"Ash, Mimie is at home in Pallet," Delia reminded him. "That's Ronald McDonald."
Ash gave her a confused look. "Ronald Mc-what, now? Is he some kind of pokemon? And what about this purple thing? It looks like a shiny Wobbuffet!"
"That's not a shiny Wobbuffet, poopie-kins, that's Grimace," Delia corrected him. "Now come and sit down."
"Grimace? That must be a new evolution for Wobbuffet, just like this clown thing is a new Mr. Mime evolution!" Ash exclaimed. "And I bet this bird is a new evolution of Pidgeot! I just discovered three new pokemon! I'm gonna catch them!" With that, he snapped some plastic poke balls from his belt and lobbed them at the cut-outs, knocking them over as well. "Poke ball, GO!!!"
"Oh, now this is just sad," James grumbled.
"Very sad," Jessie agreed.
"And yet, I can't stop laughin'!" Meowth snickered as he watched Ash continue to throw his toy poke balls at the cardboard cut-outs and wonder why he couldn't catch the three new pokemon.
Quentin, Judith, and the children said nothing -- they were so shocked by Ash's behavior that all words failed them.
At length, the cashier came from behind the counter and went over to Ash. "Excuse me, sir, but if you don't stop messing around, we're going to have to ask you to leave," she said.
Ash frowned at her. "But I'm trying to catch these pokemon!"
The cashier frowned right back. "Sir, those aren't pokemon -- they're the McDonaldland mascots."
"AUGH! You're just jealous because I saw these new pokemon first! Well, you can't have them! They're mine, mine, MINE!!!!!" Ash shouted.
The cashier threw her hands up into the air. "That's it. I'm calling the manager."
Ash ignored her and continued throwing poke balls at the cut-outs.
Delia sweatdropped. "Don't do that, miss -- we'll just take our order to go," she told the cashier.
"Fine," the cashier replied. She gave the Woodsons an apologetic look. "Sorry. It's gonna take a little longer with your order -- we've gotta get their food and get this guy outta here first."
James nodded. "Please do."
"Yeah. He's killin' our appetites," Meowth added.
"Not to mention scaring the kids," Jessie grumbled. She put her arms around Rose, who was still shaking.
For the next few minutes, Delia tried to calm Ash down...but once again, he ignored her and kept wondering why he couldn't catch the "pokemon."
When the cashier finally returned with their order, Delia took her son by the arm. "Come on, Ashy. Let's go eat our lunch out in the food court. Then we'll go to Toys R Us, and mommy will get you some new Pikachu and Bayleef toys."
Ash stopped lobbing poke balls when she said this. "A new Pikachu? And a new Bayleef?"
"Yes, poopie-kins. Now let's go have lunch before your cheeseburgers and fries get cold and your McFlurries melt."
"Okay, mom," Ash sighed. "I just wish I coulda caught those Mr. Mime, Wobbuffet, and Pidgeot evolutions."
Delia opened a few of the Mighty Kids Meal bags and produced the Ronald McDonald, Grimace, and Birdie toys that were inside. "It looks like you did, honey."
Ash grinned and snatched the toys from his mother. "ALL RIGHT!!! I caught three new pokemon!" he cheered. He struck a dorky pose and made a vee-sign. "This brings me one step closer to being a pokemon master! Gary's gonna be sooooooo jealous when he finds out about this!"
"Yeah. I'm sure he'll be devastated," Meowth chortled.
As Ash and Delia left the restaurant, Jessie rubbed her temples and buried her face in her hands. "Good grief. Now I know how momma and daddy must've felt when they ran into Delia and Ash Sr. at McDonald's all those years ago!"
"No kidding!" said James. "Ash's little performance today was almost an exact replay of what his dad did!"
"You mean this has happened before?!" Quentin and Judith gasped.
"Yes, it has, I'm sad to say," Jessie told them. "My parents met Ash's parents back in 1980 -- his dad caused a scene just like the one Ash did. He even thought the McDonaldland toys from his Happy Meals were real pokemon and challenged my parents to a battle...and threw a tantrum when he lost."
"Disgraceful. Utterly disgraceful," Quentin muttered.
"Heh. If ya think dat's bad, ya shoulda seen what ol' Ash-wipe did the other day!" Meowth replied. "Eric and Rose was playin' outside with dere friend, Sam, and who should show up at the house but Ash! Rose and Sam was in the middle of a game of Candy Land, and Ash tried ta eat the game pieces and the cards cuz he thought dey was real candy!"
"Oh, my God! Are you serious?!" Judith cried.
"It's true, nana," Eric said.
"Yeah. The bad man ruined our game," Rose sniffled.
Judith took Rose from Jessie and James and set the little girl on her lap. "Then I guess your gramps and I will just have to buy you a new game now, won't we?"
This made Rose smile again. "Really?"
Judith nodded. "Really."
Rose gave her a hug. "Thank you, nana."
-- "The Prodigal Parents" Part 5
What Cori Falls Heard: this.
What I Heard: that.
You know Nostalgia Critic's review of "Little Monsters" where he's horrified at the montage of children being punished for pranks they didn't commit? ("...THAT WAS HORRIFIC! That wasn't funny! That was... painful and unpleasant!") Yeah, that tends to be my general reaction to Cori's Ash-bashing.
To illustrate the horror even further, here's a spitefic byguardians_song.
At the Food Court (PG-13) (Part 1) (Part 2) (TAKE HEED OF THE WARNINGS)
Just... holy fuck. Cupcakes didn't faze me much at all, but Cori turning Ash into Chris-chan sure made me feel uncomfortable. Maybe because this whole thing was played as humor? I dunno. :(
But Cori Falls' character bashing is a different level of creepy, particularly her treatment of Ash. Hell, even if you don't care about the guy, some of the stuff she's written might make you queasy. How do I describe it? Well... it's not any ol' boring bashing, that's for certain.
"A bright-eyed young boy who just wanted to be a Pokemon Master, but years of being stalked by Team Rocket plus a family history of mental illness and retardation eventually come to stand in his way. His actions, though made out to be violent and petty, could easily be taken as severe PTSD symptoms and in the end he's become a delusional manchild with only his aging mother to care for him. And the worst part? Everyone but his mother sees him as a walking joke. That's right, rather than getting the psychiatric help he obviously needs Ash is reduced to the village idiot, this thing to be mocked and snarled at just for existing. Oh, and he doesn't even have Pikachu anymore. ...yeah. Think about it."
Before Jessie or James could reply, one of the newcomers spoke. "What would you like for lunch, poopie-kins?"
"I want ten MIGHTY KIDS MEALS with CHEESEBURGERS! Cheeseburgers RULE!!!" came the reply.
Quentin and Judith turned and saw a woman in her early fifties standing at the counter (though she looked much older, since all of her hair was gray and her face was etched with lines of distress). A middle-aged man with greasy black hair and a scraggly beard was with her.
"Did...did that man just order ten children's meals? For himself?!" Quentin sputtered.
"I'm afraid so," Jessie sighed.
"Oh, for pity's sake!" Judith gasped. "What is wrong with him?!"
James sweatdropped. "He's Ash Ketchum. That's what's wrong with him."
Miya buried her face in her hands. "Oh, no. Not him again."
"This guy is such a loser!" Eric groaned.
Rose put her arms around James. "Daddy, I'm scared."
James returned his daughter's embrace. "Don't worry, princess. We won't let the bad man bother you anymore."
Rose buried her face in his chest and sniffled.
"Ashy-poo, don't you think ten meals is a little much?" Delia Ketchum asked her son.
"But moooommmm, I'm huuuuuuungry!" Ash whined.
"You don't want to spoil your dinner, do you? I'm making your favorite -- chili dog and pizza pot pies!" Delia told him.
Judith blinked. "Chili dog and pizza pot pies? Is that even a real food?"
"It is to Ash," Jessie replied.
"Sounds like the kinda crap Cartman's mom would make for him on South Park," Meowth commented.
"But I still want ten cheeeeeeeeseburgers!" Ash shouted. He began to jump up and down and throw a tantrum. "I want ten buuuuuuuurgers!!!!!"
Delia placed a hand to her temple. "Oh, okay, Ashy. Mommy will get ten Mighty Kids Meals for you."
"Can I get some McFlurries, too?" he asked.
"Now, Ash...."
"But I want some McFluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuries!"
"Oh, alright, alright," Delia sighed. She walked up to the counter. "I'll have ten cheeseburger Mighty Kids Meals with Cokes, one of each flavor McFlurry, and a bacon double cheeseburger with a small Coke."
"That'll be $43.94."
"Good lord," Quentin muttered as Delia swiped her credit card and signed the receipt.
"Good lord, indeed," James muttered back.
"Mom, after lunch can we go to the Poke-Mart?" Ash asked as he and Delia seated themselves at a nearby table. "Team Rocket killed my Pikachu, and I want a new one."
"Now Ash, I've told you a thousand times, that wasn't a real Pikachu -- it was a stuffed toy," Delia answered. "Professor Oak had to take your real pokemon away when your license was revoked because you were always making them attack people, remember?"
Ash hadn't been listening to a word she'd said. "But I saaaaaw them!" he whined. "I wanted it to Thundershock that stupid mini-Jessie, mini-James, and mini-Gary, and then the big Jessie ripped its head off! It's just like that time stupid Gary ran over my Bayleef with his car! They're a bunch of evil bastards, mom!"
"Ash, what have I told you about using naughty words like that?" Delia admonished him. "I spoke to Gary and Arwen on the phone the other day -- they told me how you barged into their house and then threatened Sam and his friends. How many times do I have to tell you to leave the Oaks and the Woodsons alone?"
Again, Ash wasn't listening to his mother. While she was reprimanding him, he was looking around the restaurant. Suddenly, his eyes went wide. "AUGH!!!!! It's TEAM ROCKET!!!!!!" he screamed.
Jessie, James, Meowth, Charms, Miya, and Eric tensed. Rose hugged her father more tightly than ever.
Ash jumped up from his table and charged towards them...and then he ran straight past them and stopped in front of a cardboard cut-out of the Hamburglar that was standing next to the playroom entrance. "I see that big bag of cheeseburgers you're carrying, Team Rocket! I know you're trying to steal food, but you're not gonna get away with it! Snorlax! Hit him with your Hyper Beam!" he shouted. He lobbed a plush Snorlax toy at the cardboard cut-out and knocked it over. He then adjusted the lapels of his dirty blue vest and struck a dramatic pose. "No need to thank me, everybody. I am Ash Ketchum from the town of Pallet -- the world's greatest pokemon master! Being a hero is what I do best!"
Jessie, James, and Meowth rolled their eyes.
"Jeez, I knew this guy was stupid, but...holy crap!" Miya gasped.
"Whatta freak-show!" Charms remarked.
"What's he going to do next? Try to capture Ronald McDonald, Grimace, and Birdie because he thinks they're some new kind of pokemon?" Jessie muttered.
"Wouldn't surprise me -- the apple don't fall far from the tree, ya know!" Meowth laughed.
James nodded. "That's for sure."
Sure enough, as Ash went to go into the playroom, he caught sight of the Ronald McDonald, Grimace, and Birdie cut-outs that were standing next to the Hamburglar. "Hey, mom, did Mimie evolve, or something?" he asked.
"Ash, Mimie is at home in Pallet," Delia reminded him. "That's Ronald McDonald."
Ash gave her a confused look. "Ronald Mc-what, now? Is he some kind of pokemon? And what about this purple thing? It looks like a shiny Wobbuffet!"
"That's not a shiny Wobbuffet, poopie-kins, that's Grimace," Delia corrected him. "Now come and sit down."
"Grimace? That must be a new evolution for Wobbuffet, just like this clown thing is a new Mr. Mime evolution!" Ash exclaimed. "And I bet this bird is a new evolution of Pidgeot! I just discovered three new pokemon! I'm gonna catch them!" With that, he snapped some plastic poke balls from his belt and lobbed them at the cut-outs, knocking them over as well. "Poke ball, GO!!!"
"Oh, now this is just sad," James grumbled.
"Very sad," Jessie agreed.
"And yet, I can't stop laughin'!" Meowth snickered as he watched Ash continue to throw his toy poke balls at the cardboard cut-outs and wonder why he couldn't catch the three new pokemon.
Quentin, Judith, and the children said nothing -- they were so shocked by Ash's behavior that all words failed them.
At length, the cashier came from behind the counter and went over to Ash. "Excuse me, sir, but if you don't stop messing around, we're going to have to ask you to leave," she said.
Ash frowned at her. "But I'm trying to catch these pokemon!"
The cashier frowned right back. "Sir, those aren't pokemon -- they're the McDonaldland mascots."
"AUGH! You're just jealous because I saw these new pokemon first! Well, you can't have them! They're mine, mine, MINE!!!!!" Ash shouted.
The cashier threw her hands up into the air. "That's it. I'm calling the manager."
Ash ignored her and continued throwing poke balls at the cut-outs.
Delia sweatdropped. "Don't do that, miss -- we'll just take our order to go," she told the cashier.
"Fine," the cashier replied. She gave the Woodsons an apologetic look. "Sorry. It's gonna take a little longer with your order -- we've gotta get their food and get this guy outta here first."
James nodded. "Please do."
"Yeah. He's killin' our appetites," Meowth added.
"Not to mention scaring the kids," Jessie grumbled. She put her arms around Rose, who was still shaking.
For the next few minutes, Delia tried to calm Ash down...but once again, he ignored her and kept wondering why he couldn't catch the "pokemon."
When the cashier finally returned with their order, Delia took her son by the arm. "Come on, Ashy. Let's go eat our lunch out in the food court. Then we'll go to Toys R Us, and mommy will get you some new Pikachu and Bayleef toys."
Ash stopped lobbing poke balls when she said this. "A new Pikachu? And a new Bayleef?"
"Yes, poopie-kins. Now let's go have lunch before your cheeseburgers and fries get cold and your McFlurries melt."
"Okay, mom," Ash sighed. "I just wish I coulda caught those Mr. Mime, Wobbuffet, and Pidgeot evolutions."
Delia opened a few of the Mighty Kids Meal bags and produced the Ronald McDonald, Grimace, and Birdie toys that were inside. "It looks like you did, honey."
Ash grinned and snatched the toys from his mother. "ALL RIGHT!!! I caught three new pokemon!" he cheered. He struck a dorky pose and made a vee-sign. "This brings me one step closer to being a pokemon master! Gary's gonna be sooooooo jealous when he finds out about this!"
"Yeah. I'm sure he'll be devastated," Meowth chortled.
As Ash and Delia left the restaurant, Jessie rubbed her temples and buried her face in her hands. "Good grief. Now I know how momma and daddy must've felt when they ran into Delia and Ash Sr. at McDonald's all those years ago!"
"No kidding!" said James. "Ash's little performance today was almost an exact replay of what his dad did!"
"You mean this has happened before?!" Quentin and Judith gasped.
"Yes, it has, I'm sad to say," Jessie told them. "My parents met Ash's parents back in 1980 -- his dad caused a scene just like the one Ash did. He even thought the McDonaldland toys from his Happy Meals were real pokemon and challenged my parents to a battle...and threw a tantrum when he lost."
"Disgraceful. Utterly disgraceful," Quentin muttered.
"Heh. If ya think dat's bad, ya shoulda seen what ol' Ash-wipe did the other day!" Meowth replied. "Eric and Rose was playin' outside with dere friend, Sam, and who should show up at the house but Ash! Rose and Sam was in the middle of a game of Candy Land, and Ash tried ta eat the game pieces and the cards cuz he thought dey was real candy!"
"Oh, my God! Are you serious?!" Judith cried.
"It's true, nana," Eric said.
"Yeah. The bad man ruined our game," Rose sniffled.
Judith took Rose from Jessie and James and set the little girl on her lap. "Then I guess your gramps and I will just have to buy you a new game now, won't we?"
This made Rose smile again. "Really?"
Judith nodded. "Really."
Rose gave her a hug. "Thank you, nana."
-- "The Prodigal Parents" Part 5
What Cori Falls Heard: this.
What I Heard: that.
You know Nostalgia Critic's review of "Little Monsters" where he's horrified at the montage of children being punished for pranks they didn't commit? ("...THAT WAS HORRIFIC! That wasn't funny! That was... painful and unpleasant!") Yeah, that tends to be my general reaction to Cori's Ash-bashing.
To illustrate the horror even further, here's a spitefic by
guardians_song. At the Food Court (PG-13) (Part 1) (Part 2) (TAKE HEED OF THE WARNINGS)
Just... holy fuck. Cupcakes didn't faze me much at all, but Cori turning Ash into Chris-chan sure made me feel uncomfortable. Maybe because this whole thing was played as humor? I dunno. :(
no subject
Date: 2013-03-04 11:15 pm (UTC)That track from RFaD sums everything up perfectly-actually it reminds me of another Nostalgia Critic example. Remember how he played ominous Latin chanting over that restaurant scene in Drop Dead Fred, and ranted about how a scene that was supposed to be "funny" was actually creepy as hell? Yeah, that's this scene.
no subject
Date: 2013-03-05 04:52 am (UTC)That track from RFaD sums everything up perfectly-actually it reminds me of another Nostalgia Critic example. Remember how he played ominous Latin chanting over that restaurant scene in Drop Dead Fred, and ranted about how a scene that was supposed to be "funny" was actually creepy as hell? Yeah, that's this scene.
That's a good way to put it! I had alternate soundtracks for 50 Shades as well. The beginning of the scene where Christian breaks into Ana's apartment and the reveal that he had stalked her all the way to Georgia? Why, that's easy.
no subject
Date: 2013-03-05 06:57 pm (UTC)*shivers* That's very fitting.
no subject
Date: 2013-03-08 11:08 pm (UTC)That's not humor. That's just sad and degrading.
no subject
Date: 2013-03-10 04:52 am (UTC)whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat
Got any spare brain bleach lying around?