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Depression wails.
Jul. 2nd, 2008 09:05 pm[Error: unknown template qotd]Hedgie-Wedgie.
I'm sorry I didn't get to respond to your IMs. When I saw them I frantically tried to reach you even knowing you were already asleep.
I'm depressed again. To the point where I don't feel like doing anything. I'm listless, bored, tired, fried, static, blank. It's hard for inspiration to come to me and I've been blocked for a long time and it's frustrating. Yet I always have to be doing something or I feel useless. Hell, hearing big news like me making it back into college and my dorm in Scottish Rite makes me smile before the happiness is temporary and I feel sad again, not caring about what happened then. I don't feel like eating or drinking much of anything, and even when I'm hungry, I just have enough so my stomach isn't empty and my headache stops. Even my milk and apple juice are starting to taste weird to me. When I have ice cream with magic shell, I feel guilty afterwards. Sometimes I brush my teeth, but usually I just don't have the energy and want to lie there for hours in bed and wake up with this weird taste in my mouth from what I last drank, and I groan inwardly knowing I'll have to drink something with my morning meds (and yes, I've been taking them. Sometimes sooner or later than usual, but Puri's not confident enough to be consistent, especially knowing she still has insomnia)
If you saw my expression, it'd be colored gray. I don't like being this empty and hollow. But I feel too tired and it lugs too much weight around for me to work. I want to be alone and I don't want anyone to bother me, but at the same time I feel lonely and value the need of other people in person. Like Hedgie.
I'm sorry I wasn't energetic enough to sit and patiently wait on AIM and idle forever, my love.
I'm sorry I didn't get to respond to your IMs. When I saw them I frantically tried to reach you even knowing you were already asleep.
I'm depressed again. To the point where I don't feel like doing anything. I'm listless, bored, tired, fried, static, blank. It's hard for inspiration to come to me and I've been blocked for a long time and it's frustrating. Yet I always have to be doing something or I feel useless. Hell, hearing big news like me making it back into college and my dorm in Scottish Rite makes me smile before the happiness is temporary and I feel sad again, not caring about what happened then. I don't feel like eating or drinking much of anything, and even when I'm hungry, I just have enough so my stomach isn't empty and my headache stops. Even my milk and apple juice are starting to taste weird to me. When I have ice cream with magic shell, I feel guilty afterwards. Sometimes I brush my teeth, but usually I just don't have the energy and want to lie there for hours in bed and wake up with this weird taste in my mouth from what I last drank, and I groan inwardly knowing I'll have to drink something with my morning meds (and yes, I've been taking them. Sometimes sooner or later than usual, but Puri's not confident enough to be consistent, especially knowing she still has insomnia)
If you saw my expression, it'd be colored gray. I don't like being this empty and hollow. But I feel too tired and it lugs too much weight around for me to work. I want to be alone and I don't want anyone to bother me, but at the same time I feel lonely and value the need of other people in person. Like Hedgie.
I'm sorry I wasn't energetic enough to sit and patiently wait on AIM and idle forever, my love.
