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Jan. 12th, 2013 02:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shamanicshayminNext time I see my psychologist, I think I'm going to ask him about therapy regarding verbal abuse. If there's some sort of support group I can go to.
Because I'm sick and tired of being told that Mom is mentally ill and "this isn't her real self" (I am well aware of that) and that "she's going to get better." Nobody should have to tolerate the sort of treatment she's been giving me, bipolar disorder or not. Even worse is when my sister tells me I have to "understand" and not be so spiteful towards her (when Mom has blown up at me and held grudges even when I had the patience of a thousand saints), and now my little brother has been spoonfed all of Mom's delusions and tells me "you shouldn't hurt Mom's feelings!" He blames me for Mom's terrible moodswings even though she's constantly made me cry without me initiating anything. He doesn't get it. And no matter how hard I try to explain to him, I shouldn't be hurting Mom's precious feelings, nevermind that my own have been shattered constantly.
I'm tired of trying to emphasize with someone who disregards my feelings and stomps all over me long after I've begged her over and over again to stop. I'm tired of being forced to "understand" a woman who is selfish and lashes out at me and Dad because she's disappointed in herself. I'm tired of being a victim, and be told I must sympathize with my perpetrator. This is not okay.
In short, I'm sick of feeling like shit, then being told it's my fault and that the "real victim" is my Mom. That's the impression I'm getting from the rest of my family, anyway. Even my well-intentioned Dad doesn't want me to resent her. Is it really such a crime to be angry at a family member? And no, I am NOT ready to forgive. (And yes, I know what forgiveness means. Letting go and moving on with life instead of pretending everything is hunky-dory, etc.) Not if the abuse is going to happen again. And you sure as hell don't rush forgiveness.
Because I'm sick and tired of being told that Mom is mentally ill and "this isn't her real self" (I am well aware of that) and that "she's going to get better." Nobody should have to tolerate the sort of treatment she's been giving me, bipolar disorder or not. Even worse is when my sister tells me I have to "understand" and not be so spiteful towards her (when Mom has blown up at me and held grudges even when I had the patience of a thousand saints), and now my little brother has been spoonfed all of Mom's delusions and tells me "you shouldn't hurt Mom's feelings!" He blames me for Mom's terrible moodswings even though she's constantly made me cry without me initiating anything. He doesn't get it. And no matter how hard I try to explain to him, I shouldn't be hurting Mom's precious feelings, nevermind that my own have been shattered constantly.
I'm tired of trying to emphasize with someone who disregards my feelings and stomps all over me long after I've begged her over and over again to stop. I'm tired of being forced to "understand" a woman who is selfish and lashes out at me and Dad because she's disappointed in herself. I'm tired of being a victim, and be told I must sympathize with my perpetrator. This is not okay.
In short, I'm sick of feeling like shit, then being told it's my fault and that the "real victim" is my Mom. That's the impression I'm getting from the rest of my family, anyway. Even my well-intentioned Dad doesn't want me to resent her. Is it really such a crime to be angry at a family member? And no, I am NOT ready to forgive. (And yes, I know what forgiveness means. Letting go and moving on with life instead of pretending everything is hunky-dory, etc.) Not if the abuse is going to happen again. And you sure as hell don't rush forgiveness.
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Date: 2013-01-12 10:59 pm (UTC)You're right, your mom having a hard time of it doesn't mean you have to sit quietly and take the brunt of it. :/ Your family has no right to be taking her side and pushing your feelings aside, this kind of shit is what contributes to victim-blaming culture.
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Date: 2013-01-13 01:14 am (UTC):(( *hugs* At least you know where you stand, I can't understand why people would side with the person who's clearly wrong..
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Date: 2013-01-13 03:57 am (UTC)