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May. 15th, 2006 01:36 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shamanicshayminYesterday, I bawled myself to sleep. Aka most mentally-painful day of my life.
Today, it was also the most physically. My cramps honestly never hurt so much before as they did earlier. Being chokeful of meds, not waking 'till late 11, not really having anything except four waffles and some apple juice, I was scared I was going to throw up. Which I didn't, which was the only good thing about the day. Ended up napping after being given the meds to make the pain go away and curling up and such.
Typed all day quotes, summaries, printing them, gluing... and I'm still not done with the summaries. OR printing the images (which I may have to skip most all together and make up for it with lots of silver glitter. Whee) or glueing with the quotes... and I'm still on Chapter 1.
I'm a disgrace. It's all my fault. If I'd have known this would take this long, I'm... I was confused.
Well. There goes my entire fucking future.
Talking to people doesn't help anymore. Nor is trying to fix or remove things so you'd be happy and move on. It'll just make it worse. I can't seem to help me, and well... trying to get help from others is making it all the worse.
There's too much that troubles me. I find it interesting that when I become concerned with something I love like writing and have questions about it, I'm told to "stop writing". That's like telling me to hop off a bridge and commit suicide. What if you had problems and I told you to stop doing an occupation as a solution, eh? Especially when it's the one thing that makes you happy anyway?
But then. I confuse people. I always do. I always get misinterpreted.
No sleep. No work. No hope.
Don't be surprised if I DO update this again, you won't see the same Puri anymore. If ever.
Today, it was also the most physically. My cramps honestly never hurt so much before as they did earlier. Being chokeful of meds, not waking 'till late 11, not really having anything except four waffles and some apple juice, I was scared I was going to throw up. Which I didn't, which was the only good thing about the day. Ended up napping after being given the meds to make the pain go away and curling up and such.
Typed all day quotes, summaries, printing them, gluing... and I'm still not done with the summaries. OR printing the images (which I may have to skip most all together and make up for it with lots of silver glitter. Whee) or glueing with the quotes... and I'm still on Chapter 1.
I'm a disgrace. It's all my fault. If I'd have known this would take this long, I'm... I was confused.
Well. There goes my entire fucking future.
Talking to people doesn't help anymore. Nor is trying to fix or remove things so you'd be happy and move on. It'll just make it worse. I can't seem to help me, and well... trying to get help from others is making it all the worse.
There's too much that troubles me. I find it interesting that when I become concerned with something I love like writing and have questions about it, I'm told to "stop writing". That's like telling me to hop off a bridge and commit suicide. What if you had problems and I told you to stop doing an occupation as a solution, eh? Especially when it's the one thing that makes you happy anyway?
But then. I confuse people. I always do. I always get misinterpreted.
No sleep. No work. No hope.
Don't be surprised if I DO update this again, you won't see the same Puri anymore. If ever.