Ruka is Our King

[shamanicshaymin]

• Everybody in Utena is flawed, but not as flawed as the men. Even Miki doesn't escape unscathed, since even he has selfish intentions. But everything Ruka does is for the greater good, and behind all the bad things he does is a front to disguise the most selfless character in the entire show.



• He lives the dream of every Utena fan, which is calling out and punishing the most hated character of the entire show, Shiori Takatsuki. She's obviously the same person she was in middle school, and she's never going to change. She's got no remorse and doesn't have the slightest bit of self-loathing, so someone has to tell her what a smudge of primordial scum she is. Three cheers for Ruka!



• Juri is too mired in her love and hatred for Shiori, so who better to swoop in like Superman than the man who knows her best? He knows the situation between Juri and Shiori way better than Juri and Shiori themselves, and he's got the cure! That's not butting in... that's intervention.



• He's been suffering from terminal illness, so you can only imagine the physical, mental, and emotional agony he goes through until his untimely death. :( Especially because he wanted to make sure Juri hated him and never know the heroic motivation behind his actions. ;______;



• Come on, when you're trying to get someone to hate you, what better way to do it than sexual assault? It takes imagination to come up with anything else, which many of us don't have. And what could be worse than sexual assault? So give Ruka a little credit, will ya? And he apologized! Off screen! To the open air! In the rain!



• Utena and Anthy have been manipulating each other all along. Ruka x Juri is the true tragic couple of the show.



• He's the only one in the cast with blue hair. Miki's is too light and Kozue doesn't count.



• Ruka x Touga is the hottest yaoi ship on the show. Eat dirt, Saionji. Ruka and Touga have carsex to catch up on. Akio will drive them. Mmmm, threesomes. ♥♥♥



• Ruka named his penis Akio.



• He shares the same English voice actor as Butler from the Jirachi movie, who sounded kinda like the Mr. Moneybags mascot from those ancient Monopoly commercials. Butler never sexually assaulted anyone though, and he actually apologized and made a physical effort to fix the damage he caused and save Diane. What a putz.



• Ruka sounds similar to Veruca, the name of the most kind-hearted and selfless little girl ever to appear in children's literature.



• If terminal illness hadn't gotten in his way, this show would've been called Revolutionary Man Ruka, because he would've saved everyone. Has a nice ring to it, eh?

Finally, the #1 Reason Ruka Tsuchiya is the best...



APRIL FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLS!

NOW YOU HAVE BEEN CURSED!

(My favorite Utena characters are actually Utena, Anthy, Juri and TV!Shiori. Ruka... isn't anywhere on my list of favorite characters. :P)

Comments

[sarajayechan]

Best joke ever. XD I didn't actually expect a list, but you really put a lot of effort into this joke!

[shamanicshaymin]

I wanted to be sure to mock the things Ruka did without being triggering. I think I did all right. :P

[traitortoheaven]

THIS IS NOW MY FAVORITE JOKE YOU'VE EVER DONE

[shamanicshaymin]

TRULY I HAVE MISJUDGED HIM.

Q: What does Ruka have in common with Shrek?
A: Ruka is Love. Ruka is Life.

And then Shrek tells Ruka to get out of his swamp

[traitortoheaven]

Get Shreked, Tsuchiya.