shamanicshaymin | Mushroom Kingdom :: We're Only Happy When it Rains! (Part 1) (Reply)

Welcome to the Emerald City! Where's my rainbow horse carriage?

So we're in Toad Town. I know because they never refer to "the Mushroom World" anymore or "Mushroom Kingdom" as a city. See how seedy tthis town is? That Toad girl was just using me to watch me jump! *sob* I thought there were cockroach ligaments on my shoe. D: Look at those old guys walking away when the fun ended. Damn them!

Whaddaya mean there ain't no crocodiles in Italy, see!? ...Whoa, that guy's good, I didn't see him either! Ninja*Croc!

Afghanistan's open this time of year.

That's the problem with you male Toads. You all look like wrinkled middle-aged men with yellow eyebrows!

Raz & Raini. We'll be seeing those two again. Hopefully not in a bloodbath like in classic romances.

No lie, that kid can run. Even my screencap key can't keep up!

Too bad she's already a makeup-muddied old hag trying to look like Paris Hilton.

Dude, that's 4chan/Pedobear/lolibait right there. D: No fucking thanks!

You're raising your kid to be a prostitute. Hope that makes you happy, Grandpa.

Are you from the military? I'll ask again later.

I think I found this guy through complete accident. :o So far, this is all he says. Considering he's invisible and all, could it be... Luigi? *gasp*

Wow, good thing that crocodile guy dropped out of school before reading Greek Mythology or else he's totally fucked.

One happy 50s family. I could gag from this all day.

"What are we having tonight, dear?"
"Just a little priest."
"Mmm... heavenly! Not as hearty as bishop perhaps, but then not as bland as curate either."
"Always leaves you wanting more! Trouble is, we only get it on Sundays!"
Mario: *backs away*

Ma'am, may I inspect your cellar? oO;;;

Okay, as long as he doesn't offer free shaves.

Some kid jumping up and down on bed. Hasn't your mom told you not to do that?

I could be sympathetic toward the kid, but I'm no liar either. I'll feed him the honest truth:

Dammit kid! You're supposed to be pissed at me! Writers are ripped apart all the time and it only adds fuel to the fire! ...Except you're not a writer. Okay, you're making me feel bad with you just standing there. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I CAN'T TAKE IT

Sure, sure...

And he's off like a blur! (Literally: it's hard to tell when you're capping) My work here is done. Time to haunt the next house!

ITEM SHOP~~~~~~~~~~! As indicated by the spinning mushroom above the door.

Greetings Mr. Hooper!

I guess he took that as an insult. Okay.

Grandchildren? Ooh, goodie! Does this mean I have to look for a tanked pollywog in a spidermech though?

The shopping screen! Look it's green! ♥ :D

Whoa, what are those stairs doing there?

oO;; Okay!

Teacher: Your legs. I will take them. You will lose the use of them. Do you accept this? Will you allow me to take your legs?
Mario: WAI--whu-WHAT!? DDD:

Teacher: Just kidding! :D
Mario: Whew... @.@;;;
Teacher: I know of someone who could help you with that though.
Mario: *shakesheadrealfast* Nono, that's okay!

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh! Sweet! ♥

Thanks!

We'll go to the inn next, with the spinning Starman.

Typically, you'd already see the sprites as soon as you walk in. This is just my emulator being glitchy. Gaaah. @.@;;;

Grumpy little kid in the corner. Let's Bother Snape TM!

Bother! Bother bother!

*Nelson* HAW HAW!

We did a lot of exploring today!

For some reason, I always find it cute when Mario's sleeping in a room next to another Toad.

GOOD MORNING BALTIMORE

Puri wanted to watch the Toad's sleep bubbles. She'll disturb him more later.

We got business to attend to!

Toad: Yeah, thanks for ditching me back there, asshole.

Wanna see a trick? First I chase Toad...

...Jump on his head...

...And then, when he opens the door, I make a break for the roof. But it's not glitch and I'll prove it!

*gasp* Our first hidden treasure! You get a special *ding* there, 'cause you got Frog Coins. More on those later. :o

More treasure for me?

But I'm Mario! Fuck you, Chancellor. I'll be raiding this place again when Mario 64 comes out.

"He's masturbating. Tell him to quit."

Again, rom glitching, but not too bad since you're just entering someone's room anyway.

Hysterics? Suicidal? Psychotic breakdown?

You'd think Peach would have pink bedsheets instead. Maybe the good fairies messed up? "Blue!" "Pink!" "Blue!" "Pink!"

Let's bounce up and down Peach's bed! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

Well, it wasn't stuffed under her mattress. *shrug*

Cue Mario's *JUMP!* on first panel.

Peach's grandma zips faster than Sonic. oO;;;

Clearly Grandma, you don't understand RPGs. D: Unless you want us to pick Mushrooms out of trashcans?

We've got nothing left to do, so let's see Chancellor.

"I hope he made lots of spaghetti!"

Yeah, sure he will.

Let's have a little fun first. Let's sneak behind Chancellor and give him a heart attack! ;D

Dammit, you guys are no fun. You wouldn't even let Mario jump on the candles, for chrissakes!

We need you to clean the kitchen with a toothbrush.

Mario contemplates this. Does this mean every Toad is at risk of conception? Dear god, Chancellor clones = DO NOT WANT. DDDD:

Uh, here's the thing: Peach is dead.

AND SO IS BOWSER but I guess that didn't register about Peach...

Time to Mime! Storytime!

With a jump, we've already scared the mushroom retainers outta their socks!

Chancellor nearly fell back on his chair, but let's be glad Mario didn't share the BDSM parts.

I keep telling you: They're both dead.

Stoner!Toad Guard: Epic stuff when you're on high, man!

Whenever Mario voices Peach, he sounds like a firetruck. ;D

*cue Romeo & Juliet theme played at Wayne's World*

Chancellor: Okay, who stuck pins in Mario's overalls?

Toad: Oh, it's my cue now? Oops!

Chancellor: Let me know when Mario stops falling. *sips tea*

Toads: *applaud* YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY~!
Stoner!Toad Guard: 'Ey Toad, your ol' voo-doo doll does some freaky cool shit, man!

Toad: Ooh, I get a part! Yay!

HOLY SOMEONE BUILT THE FREAKIN' TOWER OF BABEL HERE

Mario glosses over the juicy bits between him and Toad because he's no fun like that.

A phallic sword power?

Chancellor: I'm not liking how this is turning out. >(

Okay let's go!

Um... oops? I guess I hadn't thought about that.

Toad: Cost: 1 blowjob. ;D
Mario: No! DDDD:

The latter screen happened because I actually DID accidentally go through Toad's tutorial on equipping weapons. It was a pain. D:

Okay we--Chancellor you tease! DDDD:

...To Peach's eyes.
Stoner!Toad Guard: I get lost in 'em myself, man!

That's it, we're definitely getting outta here.

Whatever you do Mario, don't fall UP the stairs.

Okay, I see where this is going: the princess is one big fat cover-up to lock Mario in the cellar and for Chancellor to disrobe himself and do his dirty deed with him. God Chancellor, no wonder you're so clingy! RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LIFE MARIO WHILE YOU STILL HAVE YOUR VIRGINITY LEFT