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Sep. 15th, 2005 10:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shamanicshayminIt's my Dad's birthday tomorrow. I hope he gets in an accident so he can have birthday cake in the hospital as a patient. :D Only... not being able to eat it, yeah. He's senile enough, and it's not like he even tries to change his awful habits. Why Dad, of course I'll forgive you for losing your temper! Again! And telling me I should've been left behind at school so I can hitch-hike my way over the highways and get hit by trucks! I love how you tell me that I "walk in here pissed off with your nasty little attitude!", and that OMG I never do my jobs and I'm lazy!!11 Pft, I'm WAY more responsible than he is, not to mention that I actually *GASP* keep my word! I can only have so much on my mind, but he wouldn't comprehend it. How on earth can I tell him what I put up with online? He wouldn't understand my fandom babblings. And his response would be FAR from helpful anyway.
And it REALLY helps when I actually think my writings good enough for show, which I've poured my HEART and SOUL into, and he's all "OMG this is great!!1" and THEN he tells me, "Why aren't you writing ORIGINALS OMG!!1 'Cause like, people would actually READ them, and it's something ANYONE can enjoy, not just your friends!" If he even knew how the fuck writing worked, he should know I wrote for an entire friggin' audience already, ten billion people I don't know. Screw all the hard work I've put into these things, it's just FLIMSY anyway! Child's play! Like it takes five seconds to write a fanfic but a billion millenia to do something of "quality" aka "originals". Gee Dad, thanks for your appreciation! I think I'll like, go and write stuff, 'cause like, people don't read fanfic at ALL and it's just a silly joke thing shared between friends anyway! *COUGH* I could write the most boring, generic fantasy novel written by a 2-year-old, between the most facinating fanfic in existance, and he'd read the latter and say, "OMG write ORIGINALS!!11" so he goes and drools over the former, no matter how suckily it's written.
And if he asks me to become a poet one more fucking time ever again, I'm going to smack him across the face. I DO NOT. WANT TO BE. A POET. And hell, look at the poetry I ever DID bring myself to write--it was the most HORRIBLE. CORNY. WANGSTY. GOTHIC SHIT I'VE EVER WROTE. I hated my poetry more than perhaps even my worst fanfictions! You cannot drag me into something I can't stand looking at after writing. But my Dad is fucking blind--he thinks it's the most BEAUTIFUL things he's ever wrote, and I'm sick and I gag and I throw up at the thought of it! And he wants me to write poetry... NO! I'm the writer! I decide what I want and won't do! And whenever he asks me to write anything, be it poetry or originals, I feel like I'm shot and dead. And embarressed.
And you know what? I actually do want to write originals one day. But the more he just pushes and PUSHES and PUSHES I just hold myself back even more and all inspiration dies because now it's more like HIS ideas, not MINE.
He's wasted my time asking me to clean the kitchen when I COULD be doing more important things. Thanks for interrupting me constantly when I'm trying to write, DAD.
And if you actually have something to say about the situation, don't simply leave "*hug*" as a comment. OH WOW, SO HELPFUL.
...Sorry.
And it REALLY helps when I actually think my writings good enough for show, which I've poured my HEART and SOUL into, and he's all "OMG this is great!!1" and THEN he tells me, "Why aren't you writing ORIGINALS OMG!!1 'Cause like, people would actually READ them, and it's something ANYONE can enjoy, not just your friends!" If he even knew how the fuck writing worked, he should know I wrote for an entire friggin' audience already, ten billion people I don't know. Screw all the hard work I've put into these things, it's just FLIMSY anyway! Child's play! Like it takes five seconds to write a fanfic but a billion millenia to do something of "quality" aka "originals". Gee Dad, thanks for your appreciation! I think I'll like, go and write stuff, 'cause like, people don't read fanfic at ALL and it's just a silly joke thing shared between friends anyway! *COUGH* I could write the most boring, generic fantasy novel written by a 2-year-old, between the most facinating fanfic in existance, and he'd read the latter and say, "OMG write ORIGINALS!!11" so he goes and drools over the former, no matter how suckily it's written.
And if he asks me to become a poet one more fucking time ever again, I'm going to smack him across the face. I DO NOT. WANT TO BE. A POET. And hell, look at the poetry I ever DID bring myself to write--it was the most HORRIBLE. CORNY. WANGSTY. GOTHIC SHIT I'VE EVER WROTE. I hated my poetry more than perhaps even my worst fanfictions! You cannot drag me into something I can't stand looking at after writing. But my Dad is fucking blind--he thinks it's the most BEAUTIFUL things he's ever wrote, and I'm sick and I gag and I throw up at the thought of it! And he wants me to write poetry... NO! I'm the writer! I decide what I want and won't do! And whenever he asks me to write anything, be it poetry or originals, I feel like I'm shot and dead. And embarressed.
And you know what? I actually do want to write originals one day. But the more he just pushes and PUSHES and PUSHES I just hold myself back even more and all inspiration dies because now it's more like HIS ideas, not MINE.
He's wasted my time asking me to clean the kitchen when I COULD be doing more important things. Thanks for interrupting me constantly when I'm trying to write, DAD.
And if you actually have something to say about the situation, don't simply leave "*hug*" as a comment. OH WOW, SO HELPFUL.
...Sorry.
