See Twilight Sparkle in the icon? That's me.

"Dear Princess Celestia, we're writin' to you because today we all learned a little somethin' about friendship. We learned that you should take your friends' worries seriously. Even if you don't think that she has anything to worry about. And that you shouldn't let your worries turn a small problem... ...into an enormously huge entire-town-in-total-chaos Princess-has-to-come-and-save-the-day problem! Signed, your loyal subjects."

The latest episode hit a little too close to home for me. Luckily I can rely on my friends... more information on that soon. It's my Mom who isn't taking me seriously at all.

( And now, a short paragraph of my Mom dismissing my problems because of the menstrual cycle. )

Good news: Finally got to see my psychologist.
Bad news: But not after more drama. I was hoping for Dad to take me so I wouldn't have to wake up Mom and leave her in peace. My appointment was at 1, but it was nearing 12:30 and Dad wasn't back yet like he said he'd be. Worse, I couldn't call him because he left his phone at home. So I waited, because I knew Mom was going to bitch at me if I woke her and was afraid of getting into her room. 12:50. I had no choice. Mom calls me an idiot and berates me for not waking her and trusting "your unreliable father" over her and I had to call my psychologist to tell him we were late. Only after  we left the neighborhood did I spot Dad's car. I was counting on him and he was too late.

What hits me harder is if I knew how to drive, I would've taken the car left in the driveway and gone myself instead of being stuck at home worrying about unreliable parents. Then all this blow-up would've been avoided.

My psychologist talked it over with my parents and agreed that the best place I should be right now is staying at a friend's house for several weeks. Maybe more. I think more. He recommended I take anti-depressants again, but I told him I wanted to know how I felt after one week before my next appointment, and we agreed.

Good news: Dad finally took me to Walmart to apply for a job.
Bad news: After taking the "assessment test" via computer, it told me I had "completed, but did not pass. We'll hold your application for 64 days." Dad asked me what kinds of questions were on there, and of course I don't remember any of them specifically in their exact words. What I did know was a lot of questions involved a ton of stressful situations like Dealing With Angry Customers, Troublesome/Lazy Employees, Group Projects/Group Thinking/Being an active member of The Group, What If There was a Argument/Disagreement in Your Group, etc. which made me feel uncomfortable because A. I've never been in the workplace before. B. Any conflict/disagreement question reminds me of what's going on at home and my natural instinct is to clamp up and get away from/avoid it so I wouldn't have to endure it all over again. C. I never worked well in groups or teams at school and always dreaded them, where the best possible solution for me was where I could be left alone and spoken to as little as possible. Teamwork and giant groups of people make me uncomfortable and would prefer just a quiet job requiring little interaction like putting or unloading things on shelves or something. I'd rather just follow what my instructor says rather than being forced to come up with ideas because I have no idea how groups work and don't want people to be talking about me behind my back or to my face when I say something stupid. D. The test treats me like I'd had a job before. I haven't and I don't have a clue.

I've been told to "answer honestly" on the test and I took that to heart. But what it REALLY should have said was "Pretend to be the kind of employee we're looking for" because that would've made a LOT more sense. Several questions I was hesitant about the answers on because my primary concern was finally getting a job and making money. So Walmart asks me, "You're concerned about making money rather than for the good of the company." On the scale of Strongly Disagree to Strongly Agree, I nervously put "Agree", which I worried may not have been the best move, but the assessment test told me to be "honest" and I felt that my time in Walmart was going to be short since I was going to be juggling other future jobs and I truly was worried about getting a headstart on life.

The very second Dad heard about this, he flew into a rage. ("Don't you THINK about people!? How they react? Don't you care about doing a good job!? That you want to feel useful for more than the money!? DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT GETTING HIRED!? Who do you think a company is going to hire, someone who cares for the well-being of Walmart, or--") Thanks for reminding me how worried I am that I feel like I'm having trouble relating, empathizing and connecting with other people, Dad. 

"YOU SHOULD HAVE LET ME HELP YOU WITH THE FORM!"  Except I'm not allowed to receive help from other people while taking the assessment test. I told him this repeatedly, he said there was no one paying attention, but I'm fearful of breaking the rules and I don't want to cheat and I want to be as "honest" as the test assessment instructed me to. And he doesn't listen and yells at me some more because I didn't want him to help me.

Is it any wonder I'm not employed yet? If I'll ever be?

You know, it would've really helped if I received a copy of the assessment test and explained to me why I failed along with a complete analysis on the answers. How am I supposed to learn anything if I keep filling in the same mistakes one assessment sheet after the other and have no one tell me what I'm doing wrong?

Last Sunday, James and I with friends had lunch at McDonald's at a street close to my house, and the server told us they were hiring. I was told to keep the receipt so I would know the site I would go to and apply online. I did just and filled the application fine up until they asked me for a "username" and "pin number" which confused the everliving fuck out of me and stopped me in my tracks. I was going to call them later for help.

But wouldn't you know it? After all the hustle and bustle yesterday, I lost the fucking receipt. If that doesn't sink my hopes of me ever getting employed, I'm sure something worse would come along and tell me.

I'm almost fully packed. I'm gonna get a few more things while I wait for James to pick me up so I can stay at Dave's. Will update a little more when I'm settled in.