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Bah, humbug.
Nov. 17th, 2010 11:30 amIs it bad I'm starting to hate Christmas more and more with each passing year? It's not the purpose of Christmas I despise, like love and giving and charity and etc, it's the OMG EVERYBODY MUST BE HAPPY AND SMILING 24/7 OR YOU'RE A FUCKING SCROOGE mentality that grates my nerves. Especially those stupid Christmas songs that plague your local Hallmark stores that gleefully preach this and that about Rudolph and Christmas dinners when people in this country are already having trouble affording Thanksgiving due to our present economy. We're already struggling to help people get clothes and warm dinners in their stomachs, then the Christmas papparazi comes and tells us, "LOL IF UR BITTER UR NOT DOING ENUFF GIVING LOLOLOLOL." Fuck you, the Kardashians or however you spell it are Santa's best little angels with their plastic smiles and complete apathy to the walking wounded, I'm sure. The best thing I can do to avoid Christmas until it's at least fucking December is stay holed up in the house, which is what I do anyway. God I feel pissed off lately. Doesn't help that Audiocity is fucking around with me so later I've got to start over talking about Silver for Lexi for what, the fourth time. I'm too annoyed to deal with technical difficulties now, and my family's concerned about housecleaning before my sister arrives Thanksgiving weekend. Fuck, talk about perfect timing to start a recording meme.
YesVirginia Christmas, I get it. I'm a selfish twit. Bitter too. I've been feeling like that for a while and I don't know why. November's not been a good month at all. Forget coal, since coal's actually useful and I could donate it to someone to warm their homes. You know what's especially annoying? My autistic 18-year-old brother still believes in Santa, so I can't say a fucking thing to break his bubble. Hell, I can't even imply that Santa isn't real or my parents will give me the evil eye and possibly twist my neck, 'cause omg, I'm ruining the spirit of Christmas if I dare blather on. I'm not even doing anything to make him stop believing, I'm not even deliberately going out to be mean to my brother or ruin anyone's day. All I have to do is bring up Santa in a casual conversation and be vague about it without pointing any fingers as to who he is, and my parents immediately assume the worst and jump down my throat. "OMG HE STILL BELIEVES!!11!1 ZOMG DON"T SAY A WORD!11!1" And we get in near fights about it even when I try to divert the "identity" and the subject matter with light humor. ("I hope Santa gives me a hedgehog." "We're changing the subject." Look Mom and Dad, I know you're not getting me one and I'm not putting any pressure on you. You could of just said, "Well, maybe Santa has something better in store." or "Oh, we'll see about that." They just get the complete wrong idea and glare at me. I even make comments about Santa probably giving me coal this year and they don't even protest. Now that tells me something about me as a person. Interesting how Christmas brings the best AND the worst out of people everywhere.
I know what you're thinking. "AWWWWWWWWWW! YOUR BROTHER STILL BELIEVES IN CHRISTMAS! THAT'S SOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE!!11!11!" "YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL YOU HAVE SUCH A CUTE BROTHER" "YOU BITCH HOW DARE YOU SAY SUCH UNGRATEFUL THINGS ABOUT YOUR BROTHER!!1!" And that's the thing. I don't feel the least bit grateful at all. When you're feeling as horrible and disallusioned about Christmas as I do, and needing some relief and catharsis from it all, but you can't talk about it to anyone in the house at all because ZOMG UR BROTHERZ IN THE ROOM HE STILL BELIEVES!!1!11! I feel fucking trapped. Not to mention I feel worse than before because it's my innocent 18-year-old brother who still believes in fucking Santa Claus. It makes me feel like fucking shit. Yeah, there's the guilt factor to it too, and nothing can be fucking done about it.
No wonder I cry at movies like It's a Wonderful Life because I see myself useless and bitter and wanting to die despite everything I already have and a family and friends and people who love me like George Bailey, except at this point, I feel like I've contributed as much to the world as goddamn Mr. Potter. Yeah, Puri. Selfish bitch of Christmas Time.
No fucking surprise to me people commit the most suicides around Christmas every year. If Santa was real, he'd stuff lampreys in my stocking.
Yes
I know what you're thinking. "AWWWWWWWWWW! YOUR BROTHER STILL BELIEVES IN CHRISTMAS! THAT'S SOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE!!11!11!" "YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL YOU HAVE SUCH A CUTE BROTHER" "YOU BITCH HOW DARE YOU SAY SUCH UNGRATEFUL THINGS ABOUT YOUR BROTHER!!1!" And that's the thing. I don't feel the least bit grateful at all. When you're feeling as horrible and disallusioned about Christmas as I do, and needing some relief and catharsis from it all, but you can't talk about it to anyone in the house at all because ZOMG UR BROTHERZ IN THE ROOM HE STILL BELIEVES!!1!11! I feel fucking trapped. Not to mention I feel worse than before because it's my innocent 18-year-old brother who still believes in fucking Santa Claus. It makes me feel like fucking shit. Yeah, there's the guilt factor to it too, and nothing can be fucking done about it.
No wonder I cry at movies like It's a Wonderful Life because I see myself useless and bitter and wanting to die despite everything I already have and a family and friends and people who love me like George Bailey, except at this point, I feel like I've contributed as much to the world as goddamn Mr. Potter. Yeah, Puri. Selfish bitch of Christmas Time.
No fucking surprise to me people commit the most suicides around Christmas every year. If Santa was real, he'd stuff lampreys in my stocking.
