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Nov. 26th, 2008 10:30 amSo Dad came up and we worked on making up an overdue rhetoric assignment and turned it in. That's frittered away my weekend right there, particularly Sunday. Last night (or today, depending how you looked at it), I pulled my first true all-nighter just to get Essay 3.1 typed and turned in on time. (Last time I stayed up until dawn, it was around 6:00 am and I was pretty much a goofing-off insomniac who thought if she stayed up the whole night and next day, it'd automatically refit my sleeping schedule and feel sleepy by evening. Ah ha ha, totally didnt work) Now it's past 10:30 pm and I'm still up. It's odd really. I still feel normal, jump when I hear my cell phone ring (and realize how my sensitivities heightened), then do nothing but stare ahead.
I turned in my folder with 3.1 and its notes, and I receive back my teacher's comments on Monday's essay. Basically she said if I hadn't already received an F for turning in a super late assignment, this paper would've received no higher than a D-.
...I can barely keep my eyes open while typing this. I keep nodding off halfway, usually going through an unfinished sentence/thought.
To think that I would get so confident in getting the right notes and research and think I've got everything down and ready to start, only to warp your words into chopped off sewage as all the power is sucked from whatever thesis (before it turned to lack-of-a-thesis) and intriguing sentences into a dry useless heap of wooden trudge.
In other words, all those days working my butt off on the essays would've scored me no better than if I procrastinated and never started them. Finish an outline: it's not enough to make her happy. I make an effort to do the introduction and conclusion first; all my teacher cares about it what happened to the 3.1 draft and if I worked on it. In other words, disappointment after didsppointment after disappointment, now matter how hard I try. Maybe I was too confident and thought I'd understand right away? Fail. Fail fail fail. Looking over the teacher's comments on my paper makes it clear the only thing I've been taught to do in high school is summarize. If Puri can't comprehend how to write rhetorical analysis OR how to execute it, which means I fail Rhetoric even with my teacher being so patient and letting me constantly extend deadlines, helping me with organizations and brainstorms and going over confusing aspects... I feel so ungrateful and it makes me ashamed I let her down. As long as I never pass Rhetoric, I'll never fit any creative writing classes in my schedule for next year, if I'll even make it to coming BACK to Austin in the first place, thanks to likely dismissal. Hell, if I can't even do a rhetorical analysis, I should probably stop writing fiction 'cause my writing style will never get the punch and understanding that come from graduating Rhetoric class and the only true talent I'm successful in is daydreams and keeping them to myself where they belong.
Thanksgiving Week will consist of a psedo-break while studying for an Astronomy exam I'll flunk in, and preparing the last Rhetoric assignment as yet another testament as to why I'm a failure and a complete loser at life.
I turned in my folder with 3.1 and its notes, and I receive back my teacher's comments on Monday's essay. Basically she said if I hadn't already received an F for turning in a super late assignment, this paper would've received no higher than a D-.
...I can barely keep my eyes open while typing this. I keep nodding off halfway, usually going through an unfinished sentence/thought.
To think that I would get so confident in getting the right notes and research and think I've got everything down and ready to start, only to warp your words into chopped off sewage as all the power is sucked from whatever thesis (before it turned to lack-of-a-thesis) and intriguing sentences into a dry useless heap of wooden trudge.
In other words, all those days working my butt off on the essays would've scored me no better than if I procrastinated and never started them. Finish an outline: it's not enough to make her happy. I make an effort to do the introduction and conclusion first; all my teacher cares about it what happened to the 3.1 draft and if I worked on it. In other words, disappointment after didsppointment after disappointment, now matter how hard I try. Maybe I was too confident and thought I'd understand right away? Fail. Fail fail fail. Looking over the teacher's comments on my paper makes it clear the only thing I've been taught to do in high school is summarize. If Puri can't comprehend how to write rhetorical analysis OR how to execute it, which means I fail Rhetoric even with my teacher being so patient and letting me constantly extend deadlines, helping me with organizations and brainstorms and going over confusing aspects... I feel so ungrateful and it makes me ashamed I let her down. As long as I never pass Rhetoric, I'll never fit any creative writing classes in my schedule for next year, if I'll even make it to coming BACK to Austin in the first place, thanks to likely dismissal. Hell, if I can't even do a rhetorical analysis, I should probably stop writing fiction 'cause my writing style will never get the punch and understanding that come from graduating Rhetoric class and the only true talent I'm successful in is daydreams and keeping them to myself where they belong.
Thanksgiving Week will consist of a psedo-break while studying for an Astronomy exam I'll flunk in, and preparing the last Rhetoric assignment as yet another testament as to why I'm a failure and a complete loser at life.
