(no subject)

I feel awful.

Usually, when I tell people this, they think I'm sick. I rarely get sick though. Almost always, when I say, "I feel awful", it means, "I feel sad."

I don't know what's wrong with me. I've been taking my meds. Is it lack of video game playing? Too much Internet? Not enough fanfiction writing? Getting burnt out on fandom? Feeling dry everywhere in the inspiration field? Tired of my music? Not feeling as emotional or moved or aroused to nostalgia by movies as I used to? Worried about college? Worried about surviving there? Worried about living out in the world when you're done? Having no spirit left for high school whatsoever and worried about slacking and getting Fs because you feel nothing for anything anymore and just want to get the hell out of here? Is it stress? Is it me not getting enough sleep? What is it that's got me feeling so apathetic and hard to get fangirling, and feeling just grouchy and tempermental out of little things I don't want in my system again? I'm too darn messed up and wonder if I should just write more, sleep more, icon more, play video games more, go outside more, do new things more... what's going on?

Just feels like I'm going from purple to gray.