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Nov. 1st, 2003 11:26 amIt's strange, really. It seems like I don't often go to my journal as much as I used to. Usually when I do, it's some short pointless entry or something of the like. Or I do feel like updating my journal, but I just happen to have some inner demon haunt me at the wrong time when I'm not on the Internet. When I do however, whatever that was keeping me upset would go away, and I wouldn't be in the mood to write or talk about it. Later, the feeling comes back to haunt me, and I'd be miserable/pissed off again. Either that, or that I'm worried I'd just make people uncomfortable with me if I began talking.
I'm so... overemotional. I keep making a big deal over the smallest things and whatever mistake I made or imperfection I have, I mentally beat the hell out of myself. I don't want to be a heartless, immature, obnoxious kid. So whenever I say something in conversations with a friend that makes him/her seem angry/annoyed/confused/sad/uncomfortable, I start thinking what on Earth did I do wrong. That would be all I think after that. I guess that could be the reason why it's easier for me to get along with people online instead of real life.
You're probably thinking, "Oh, it's another one of those angsting teens. She'll grow out of it." Now, here's the shocker: I do NOT want a boyfriend. Maybe I will, but not now. The only things I care about clothes is if I think they look nice and I'm comfortable with them, now about whether it's "in" or not. I'm focusing on keeping my grades at A's and B's and working for college; not worrying about the pimples on my face. Aside from the "nobody understands me" part, I can't seem to fit among most kids my age.
So many people are... idiots. Walk among the boys at school, and they're making crude jokes and the like. Meet the girls, and they'll probably make fun of you for being "different". Granted, I met some cool students at my school, particulary in Chorus. But ugh... so many students require a fucking slap to the face and have their brain examined. I'm not dating anyone. I could care less about 98% of rap music. My idea of fun is playing "Pokemon", and not drugs, sex, and nail polish. Five words for these people: SO. WHAT? I. DON'T. CARE. And for the last time, the next moronic boy who comes near me, no, I will not go out with you!
Is it any wonder I prefer Internet society? At least online, it's easier to find people who have common interests with you, (and higher maturity, as well) therefore it's easier for me to find friends there. The problem is, is that most friends I make are older than me... not that I think it's a bad thing. It's just that they tend to know more than me, and have a higher maturity level. Therefore, I'm somewhat of an oddball because I still have these childish thoughts now and then, (and lack of understandings in some areas) so I feel as if I'm being annoying and immature now and then. Doesn't help the fact that some adults can't stand kids, and it hurts to see a friendship break up because of that.
I'm not suitable among kids my age, yet not suitable among adults, either. Why is it that I have so much trouble with other people? Is it just me, or them? Or both? I'm so grateful for the friends I have managed to make, though, whether I seem them often or not. You guys are really hard to come by, and I wouldn't know what to do if weren't for you all.
I'm so... overemotional. I keep making a big deal over the smallest things and whatever mistake I made or imperfection I have, I mentally beat the hell out of myself. I don't want to be a heartless, immature, obnoxious kid. So whenever I say something in conversations with a friend that makes him/her seem angry/annoyed/confused/sad/uncomfortable, I start thinking what on Earth did I do wrong. That would be all I think after that. I guess that could be the reason why it's easier for me to get along with people online instead of real life.
You're probably thinking, "Oh, it's another one of those angsting teens. She'll grow out of it." Now, here's the shocker: I do NOT want a boyfriend. Maybe I will, but not now. The only things I care about clothes is if I think they look nice and I'm comfortable with them, now about whether it's "in" or not. I'm focusing on keeping my grades at A's and B's and working for college; not worrying about the pimples on my face. Aside from the "nobody understands me" part, I can't seem to fit among most kids my age.
So many people are... idiots. Walk among the boys at school, and they're making crude jokes and the like. Meet the girls, and they'll probably make fun of you for being "different". Granted, I met some cool students at my school, particulary in Chorus. But ugh... so many students require a fucking slap to the face and have their brain examined. I'm not dating anyone. I could care less about 98% of rap music. My idea of fun is playing "Pokemon", and not drugs, sex, and nail polish. Five words for these people: SO. WHAT? I. DON'T. CARE. And for the last time, the next moronic boy who comes near me, no, I will not go out with you!
Is it any wonder I prefer Internet society? At least online, it's easier to find people who have common interests with you, (and higher maturity, as well) therefore it's easier for me to find friends there. The problem is, is that most friends I make are older than me... not that I think it's a bad thing. It's just that they tend to know more than me, and have a higher maturity level. Therefore, I'm somewhat of an oddball because I still have these childish thoughts now and then, (and lack of understandings in some areas) so I feel as if I'm being annoying and immature now and then. Doesn't help the fact that some adults can't stand kids, and it hurts to see a friendship break up because of that.
I'm not suitable among kids my age, yet not suitable among adults, either. Why is it that I have so much trouble with other people? Is it just me, or them? Or both? I'm so grateful for the friends I have managed to make, though, whether I seem them often or not. You guys are really hard to come by, and I wouldn't know what to do if weren't for you all.
