shamanicshaymin | (no subject)

God, depression sucks. While it's not the "I feel sad for no reason" stage, the "I can't feel excited or interested in anything" stage is just arrrrrghdsgkjsghl. I feel bored by everything I like, I don't feel nearly as passionate about the things I adore, and it feels like everything is a bunch of dull muted colors instead of the bright rainbows they once were. Hell, you can show me friggin' Niagara Falls and I'd probably say, "Oh, looks pretty cool, I guess." Or more realistically, I'd look at it in wonder and feel a little happier for a while, but I wouldn't be able to appreciate the sheer awesome of it. That's one of the reasons why I want to go back to New Mexico and Colorado and visit Taos Pueblo again because even while surrounded by these incredible sights, it was fogged by how... "dead" I felt, if that makes any sense.

I just can't find anything to talk about, so I apologize if I haven't been on AIM or Skype or LJ/DW enough. I just don't want to bore anyone with the same old news, you know. I'm hardly finding energy to do much either, so it's... ugh. I don't know whether my medication isn't strong enough or if my home situation is being stressful as usual. I'll have to talk to my psychologist about it. Dad and I were also discussing me going back to university, and we visited UT at Corpus Christi today. We talked to a few people, including about my disability ("autism spectrum"), and I'm just nervous as hell. My brain feels scrambled and I don't know where to begin on things. Going back to school could be the first step to a better life and may be good for me, but I'm scared of it blowing up in my face and being a repeat of my years at UT Austin. ghsdkghdkdkdhfd

I'm finding it too hard to think right now. I need to lie down and calm down, maybe read something.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Ah, sorry to hear that. D: I'm willing to talk, if you need someone to rant to or anything. My e-mail is beastofthesea@hotmail.com.

This is the frickin' weirdest summer, weather-wise. I swear even people who are normally S.A.D. are getting MORE depressed now than they were in the spring. That might have something to do with the brain-fog turning up...

I feel you, and really hope that the uninterested feeling goes away soon because it's a shitty feeling. ;;

I don't actually know what UT Austin was like for you but don't dwell on the past if you can, focus on the good stuff that would come if you went back to uni.

<3