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shamanicshaymin) wrote2023-01-17 11:03 pm
shamanicshaymin) wrote2023-01-17 11:03 pm
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Jinkies indeed.
So I watched reviews of a new show called "Velma." Yeah, you know the one. It's every bit as bad as you think.
"Velma" is literally hours of Mindy Kaling bragging about how much better she is than everybody else. Dump a serving of every All Adult Animation is South Park cliche possible, along with an entire cereal box of MCU Phase 4 Meta Writing & Humor and you get this blatant middle finger of a show. The very fucking second Velma opens her mouth, you're already mad.
Suffer with me.
The one nice thing I have to say is I like the animation and colors. That's literally it. It actually makes the show even worse because I feel bad that the animators have to waste their talents on this garbage.
The reason Scooby-Doo himself isn't in this? "This is a MaTuRe ShOw FoR AdUlTs, and nobody wants to see a talking dog." So we're just going to ignore every show Seth McFarlane has ever made? That Brian--a talking dog--exists? Also funny how you claim this is a ~~macheewerrrrr~~ show for adults, yet you not only insert every edgelord 13-year-old's idea of what an "adult" show is, you directly insult adults who watch cartoons. Right in the trailer, even! Oh yes, every adult who still watches cartoons is a stoner. Thanks Kaling. You're just the perrrrrfect person to shatter the Animation Age Ghetto.
"Sure, normally origin stories are about tall handsome guys struggling with the burden of being handed even more power."
Okay, but even in mainstream superhero stories, this isn't halfway true? Take Peter Parker. He's an average nerdy guy. If anything, becoming Spider-Man made his life 1000x harder. From what I learned from cultural osmosis, the Hulk/Bruce Banner has the shittiest existence ever. He's even the one superhero who tried to end his own life, and his Hulk self prevented him from doing it. Who cares if male protagonists struggle with trauma, loss, or even mental illness? He shouldn't complain because it's all upward from here! Check your damn privilege, Shinji. Get in the robot!
"And if they are about girls, it's usually like, 'Hey, what made this hot chick go crazy?'"
One thing that always annoys me when Hollywood or mainstream executives try to write Strong Female Characters, is they either completely ignore the existence of strong female characters before them by claiming they are The Very First, or shit on them entirely just because they don't fit their modern standards of feminism. Ellen Ripley? Sarah Conner? The Bride from Kill Bill? Furiosa? Xena? Must be flukes. As Brittney said in her video, Jennifer Lawrence spouted that same bullshit by claiming she played the ~*~First Action Heroine in a Blockbuster Ever~*~ when it isn't remotely true.
The meta humor in this show is insufferable. You can't go five seconds without some character discussing cliches in specific genres while proceeding to act out said cliche. Or they'll be like "Whoa, this goes totally against my expectations!" or "This isn't how it usually goes in romantic comedies!" and ugggggh, please for the love of god, talk like a human being. It's like sitting through the worst episodes of Demo Reel, but it's even more inexcusable because these are supposed to be professional writers. (Professional writers? In THIS environment? lolololololol)
Imagine if at the start of your Pokemon journey, your rival would be like, "Hey, you're probably wondering if I'm a nice boring rival or a cool asshole rival. Why don't we battle and find out? Isn't it funny how we always battle right after getting our first Pokemon? And how we usually get our first Pokemon from a professor?"
What if Undertale began like this?
Flowey: Howdy! I'm Flowey! Flowey the flower! It's nice meeting an ambiguously yellow human so people can't make judgments based on their race!
Imagine if Puella Magi Madoka Magica was like:
Mami: Don't worry Madoka! This is a magical girl show! I always fix things with the power of love. (winks at the audience)
(later)
Sayaka: Oh no! Mami got eaten!
Madoka: This is not supposed to happen in a cutesy show like this!
Homura: I see. Your expectations have at last been subverted.
How about an uber serious live-action horror show like The Terror?
Lady Silence: I warn you all of a great danger, but seeing as all of you are white European men, you're not going to listen to me. Because you're racist.
Hickey: I know I am! :D
(later)
Franklin: (as he's getting dragged by the Tuunbaq) I thought it was wanton teenagers who died first in horror stories.
I could go on and on. I can't even parody this shit, because this is what Hollywood would write word-for-word. It's getting to the point I actually start getting suspicious of all fourth wall jokes in current media. Like instead of laughing, I get war flashbacks. When Beavis & Butthead and Toby Fox do it, it's at least funny. The humor actually works and it isn't beaten to the fucking ground. But meta humor is subject to the same rules as other humor, and it's not a shortcut to instafunny. And in "Velma" and various movies and shows like it, the particles of the fourth wall are as whipped as a dead horse at this point.
I legitimately feel bad for what they did to Fred. Yeah, he was a himbo, but he was never malicious. He was a good guy that did his best for the team, and the way this show insults him by turning him into a shallow spoiled douchebag (and constantly throwing small dick jokes at him) is awful, especially since they had Frank Welker (Fred's original VA) play his dad. Oof. They also madeShaggy Norville as straight-edge as possible, to be like "lolololol get it, 'cause he was a stoner!" When even Scooby-Doo itself made fun of that idea eons ago. And who cares if Shaggy's a stoner? Let him have his munchies, man. I bet those same writers think "lolololol Mario is on drugs" is a novel edgy joke that hasn't been made a jillion times before. The worst scene has to be where he's pouring his heart out to Velma and she just laughs her fucking ass off. Like... dude. That's just cruel. Daphne has become the boring cliche Popular Bitch and Love Interest (but she's hot for Velma this time, so it's daring and original!!1!1) so not much to say here.
Velma... hoo boy. They turned Velma into one of my most hated character archetypes ever: the "iM nOt LiKe OtHeR gIrLz" MC. I'm talking about the kind of protagonist who believes they're a social outcast because they're "too pale and skinny" while proceeding to be the nastiest most judgmental piece of shit on the planet. It's the primary reason I can't stand most YA: I have to be stuck in the headspace of a girl who thinks wearing makeup and liking pink makes you a shallow slut, while body-shaming (gotta love Zoey Redbird from Marked mocking anorexic girls) slut-shaming, and stereotyping everybody, and being as bigoted and classist and misogynistic as possible. All while we're supposed to root for her and think she's enlightened and witty. Ugh.
I'm just imagining this version of Velma running into Lillie and Gladion from Pokemon Sun/Moon. ("Oh yes, poor little white blond kids the spawn of a rich CEO! Yeah, your life must be sooooooooo hard.") Nevermind that their mother is severely verbally and emotionally abusive to them, and said mother is one of the most realistic and evil villains in the entire Pokemon franchise. Early Game!Lillie would be fighting not to cry, while Z Form!Lillie would call her out on her shit ("Who are you to judge our situation and our lives? You don't even know us!") That's assuming Gladion doesn't tear Mindy!Velma limb from limb first for insulting his sister.
Another thing that really annoys me about the MCU-style writing of this show is absolutely nobody is taken seriously, and trauma and PTSD and panic attacks are played for laughs. Nobody thought it was funny when the Bubsy pilot did it, and it's not funny here either. Can you imagine Spamton being a joke character not just because he's a personification of spam mail, but because he's "crazy"? Can you imagine a laugh track playing when he shuts down from talking about Mike or screams for help from burning acid? How about when Kris screams after you select "No" when they're asked if they're okay after the Spamton NEO fight? Hahaha, look how poorly Velma copes with her mother going missing, isn't it funny? There's a difference between a character making jokes to cope with their trauma and... mocking a character for having trauma in the first place. Like fuck you.
Honestly, this show getting a second season despite everybody and their mother hating it is convincing me that the writers and executives made this show for themselves. It's not even about making money at this point, just flaunting how much power they have. Like who cares if it's not doing well? "lololololol we can do what we want without consequences, we're better than you, fuck you audience!"
"Velma" is literally hours of Mindy Kaling bragging about how much better she is than everybody else. Dump a serving of every All Adult Animation is South Park cliche possible, along with an entire cereal box of MCU Phase 4 Meta Writing & Humor and you get this blatant middle finger of a show. The very fucking second Velma opens her mouth, you're already mad.
Suffer with me.
The one nice thing I have to say is I like the animation and colors. That's literally it. It actually makes the show even worse because I feel bad that the animators have to waste their talents on this garbage.
The reason Scooby-Doo himself isn't in this? "This is a MaTuRe ShOw FoR AdUlTs, and nobody wants to see a talking dog." So we're just going to ignore every show Seth McFarlane has ever made? That Brian--a talking dog--exists? Also funny how you claim this is a ~~macheewerrrrr~~ show for adults, yet you not only insert every edgelord 13-year-old's idea of what an "adult" show is, you directly insult adults who watch cartoons. Right in the trailer, even! Oh yes, every adult who still watches cartoons is a stoner. Thanks Kaling. You're just the perrrrrfect person to shatter the Animation Age Ghetto.
"Sure, normally origin stories are about tall handsome guys struggling with the burden of being handed even more power."
Okay, but even in mainstream superhero stories, this isn't halfway true? Take Peter Parker. He's an average nerdy guy. If anything, becoming Spider-Man made his life 1000x harder. From what I learned from cultural osmosis, the Hulk/Bruce Banner has the shittiest existence ever. He's even the one superhero who tried to end his own life, and his Hulk self prevented him from doing it. Who cares if male protagonists struggle with trauma, loss, or even mental illness? He shouldn't complain because it's all upward from here! Check your damn privilege, Shinji. Get in the robot!
"And if they are about girls, it's usually like, 'Hey, what made this hot chick go crazy?'"
One thing that always annoys me when Hollywood or mainstream executives try to write Strong Female Characters, is they either completely ignore the existence of strong female characters before them by claiming they are The Very First, or shit on them entirely just because they don't fit their modern standards of feminism. Ellen Ripley? Sarah Conner? The Bride from Kill Bill? Furiosa? Xena? Must be flukes. As Brittney said in her video, Jennifer Lawrence spouted that same bullshit by claiming she played the ~*~First Action Heroine in a Blockbuster Ever~*~ when it isn't remotely true.
The meta humor in this show is insufferable. You can't go five seconds without some character discussing cliches in specific genres while proceeding to act out said cliche. Or they'll be like "Whoa, this goes totally against my expectations!" or "This isn't how it usually goes in romantic comedies!" and ugggggh, please for the love of god, talk like a human being. It's like sitting through the worst episodes of Demo Reel, but it's even more inexcusable because these are supposed to be professional writers. (Professional writers? In THIS environment? lolololololol)
Imagine if at the start of your Pokemon journey, your rival would be like, "Hey, you're probably wondering if I'm a nice boring rival or a cool asshole rival. Why don't we battle and find out? Isn't it funny how we always battle right after getting our first Pokemon? And how we usually get our first Pokemon from a professor?"
What if Undertale began like this?
Flowey: Howdy! I'm Flowey! Flowey the flower! It's nice meeting an ambiguously yellow human so people can't make judgments based on their race!
Imagine if Puella Magi Madoka Magica was like:
Mami: Don't worry Madoka! This is a magical girl show! I always fix things with the power of love. (winks at the audience)
(later)
Sayaka: Oh no! Mami got eaten!
Madoka: This is not supposed to happen in a cutesy show like this!
Homura: I see. Your expectations have at last been subverted.
How about an uber serious live-action horror show like The Terror?
Lady Silence: I warn you all of a great danger, but seeing as all of you are white European men, you're not going to listen to me. Because you're racist.
Hickey: I know I am! :D
(later)
Franklin: (as he's getting dragged by the Tuunbaq) I thought it was wanton teenagers who died first in horror stories.
I could go on and on. I can't even parody this shit, because this is what Hollywood would write word-for-word. It's getting to the point I actually start getting suspicious of all fourth wall jokes in current media. Like instead of laughing, I get war flashbacks. When Beavis & Butthead and Toby Fox do it, it's at least funny. The humor actually works and it isn't beaten to the fucking ground. But meta humor is subject to the same rules as other humor, and it's not a shortcut to instafunny. And in "Velma" and various movies and shows like it, the particles of the fourth wall are as whipped as a dead horse at this point.
I legitimately feel bad for what they did to Fred. Yeah, he was a himbo, but he was never malicious. He was a good guy that did his best for the team, and the way this show insults him by turning him into a shallow spoiled douchebag (and constantly throwing small dick jokes at him) is awful, especially since they had Frank Welker (Fred's original VA) play his dad. Oof. They also made
Velma... hoo boy. They turned Velma into one of my most hated character archetypes ever: the "iM nOt LiKe OtHeR gIrLz" MC. I'm talking about the kind of protagonist who believes they're a social outcast because they're "too pale and skinny" while proceeding to be the nastiest most judgmental piece of shit on the planet. It's the primary reason I can't stand most YA: I have to be stuck in the headspace of a girl who thinks wearing makeup and liking pink makes you a shallow slut, while body-shaming (gotta love Zoey Redbird from Marked mocking anorexic girls) slut-shaming, and stereotyping everybody, and being as bigoted and classist and misogynistic as possible. All while we're supposed to root for her and think she's enlightened and witty. Ugh.
I'm just imagining this version of Velma running into Lillie and Gladion from Pokemon Sun/Moon. ("Oh yes, poor little white blond kids the spawn of a rich CEO! Yeah, your life must be sooooooooo hard.") Nevermind that their mother is severely verbally and emotionally abusive to them, and said mother is one of the most realistic and evil villains in the entire Pokemon franchise. Early Game!Lillie would be fighting not to cry, while Z Form!Lillie would call her out on her shit ("Who are you to judge our situation and our lives? You don't even know us!") That's assuming Gladion doesn't tear Mindy!Velma limb from limb first for insulting his sister.
Another thing that really annoys me about the MCU-style writing of this show is absolutely nobody is taken seriously, and trauma and PTSD and panic attacks are played for laughs. Nobody thought it was funny when the Bubsy pilot did it, and it's not funny here either. Can you imagine Spamton being a joke character not just because he's a personification of spam mail, but because he's "crazy"? Can you imagine a laugh track playing when he shuts down from talking about Mike or screams for help from burning acid? How about when Kris screams after you select "No" when they're asked if they're okay after the Spamton NEO fight? Hahaha, look how poorly Velma copes with her mother going missing, isn't it funny? There's a difference between a character making jokes to cope with their trauma and... mocking a character for having trauma in the first place. Like fuck you.
Honestly, this show getting a second season despite everybody and their mother hating it is convincing me that the writers and executives made this show for themselves. It's not even about making money at this point, just flaunting how much power they have. Like who cares if it's not doing well? "lololololol we can do what we want without consequences, we're better than you, fuck you audience!"
icon directed at the show and its writers
I remember 11 years ago when some diehard Scooby fans hated Mystery Inc because of all the romantic angst and soap opera plot turns, and how Velma came off as a snarky jerk. I never saw more than one episode, but...this show makes Mystery Inc look decent. The show that made my OTP canon only to crap on it, made Scooby and Velma look bad, and according to one reviewer only really got good around the second season when they focused on the actual plot.
This is just "LOOKIT HOW EDGY I AM!!" using a beloved franchise. And dumping the dog because "it's not mature enough." Though personally I'm glad poor Scooby isn't exposed to any of this shit.
And Fred, poor Fred. Past shows have proven you can give him more nuance beyond "the leader dude" - the Pup Named Scooby Doo spinoff made him an absolute drama king conspiracy theorist. But even when people rolled their eyes at him they still clearly liked him and he was still a good kid, just...well, a kid. Here he's just demonized into a pathetic loser because he's a white man and the show prefers to tell you "white privileged rich people are awful and deserve to be hated" rather than show you WHY racism and classism are harmful.
The worst part is that someone on fucking 4chan of all places (links to my partner's tumblr, they RB'd it) mentioned the show got its ratings via hatewatching and negative attention and that's what the writers may have wanted. They did all this shocking edgy shit so people would talk about it, hatewatch it, and that's how it got a second season. Ratings are ratings, after all.
Re: icon directed at the show and its writers
There's a reason I only watched reviews of this garbage. Critics are stuck with it no matter what, but I'm not giving this abomination a single hatewatch. "Don't feed the trolls" is a modern saying, after all.
Re: icon directed at the show and its writers
SAME. I watched Alpha Jay's review, for one. He actually said there's an element that could've made for an okay show, but it was wasted for the sake of bad characters and shitty jokes.