shamanicshaymin | Whooooo self-deprecation

Lately I've been doing two things: A. Sleeping. B. Thinking too hard about things. The Writer's Block is going as strong as ever and it's really disheartening. Really Puri. Just pick one scene you've always wanted to write that's important to the novel. Even if it's Raggedy Andy and Marius bonking each other senseless. Then I think, "Oh, you're just writing sex" and feel terrible. I'm constantly beating myself up and feeling like nobody is developed enough or my plot points aren't mature enough (despite the fact you never know for sure if it's all kept in your head instead of oh, physically writing it down but augh. The torment continues) and I just continue to feel guilty for not being as organized as a supercomputer.

So... I guess this is an "Ask Me About My Novel" post. Just so I can know what questions people are actually curious about and not feel like I'm babbling about some kind of pointless imaginary world that seems to affect only me and no one else.

And I'm worried about my relationship with my boyfriend. Baaaaws.

Ask me a question about writing. It can be absolutely anything (writing process, favorite things to write, characters I've created, etc.) and I will tell you the honest-to-god answer. Don’t hold back. Whatever you ask, I will try my best to answer. You may ask as many questions as you want.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

1) What part of writing (consensual) smut is the most awkward or uncomfortable for you? (Since you started the post with mentions of smut.)
2) I know you've been out of the RP scene for ages, but do your characters run around in your head and "speak" with you in the fashion of an RPer's muses? Do they have lives of their own, in the Rowling sense?

This is a good question. :o This takes me back to when I first wrote smut when I was 16. My thoughts were something like this: "Holy shit, I'm writing graphic sex. And it's a Sonic lemon. I'm so fucked up. D:" To make a Freudian analysis short, I grew up thinking all sex that didn't involve making babies was rape, and/or indulged by selfish, shallow people who use it for exploitation. I vowed that I would never, ever write lemons, so when I was writing Sonic and Shadow in a loving consensual relationship in explicit detail and found myself feeling fuzzy instead of repulsed, I was confused as fuck and hated myself for who knows how long.

Today, I guess I would say it would depend what and who I was writing smut about. The weirder the fandom (and by "weird", I mean what the general public would conceive as weird. You're going to get a different reaction when you say you write smut for Sonic than smut for Marvel comics), the more nervous I get about sharing my work. Let's say, I write a Pokemon lemon between two human characters, like Riley and Roark. That's easy! Now write about Sir Aaron and Lucario. People... aren't as kind about Human/Pokemon as they are with two humans. But it's Pokemon! Common, popular fandom, no biggie. Write a Mario lemon! Well... you'll probably be safer as an anon on a kink meme. Speaking of kinks, they also play a factor in this.

I'm fine talking with close friends I trust about Andy & Marius, but when I look at the bigger picture and think about who's going to read my novel... holy shit. Holy shit. I freeze up. Which is odd because I wouldn't dream of writing smut about the original Raggedy Ann & Andy (from Gruelle's books) at all. While Raggedy Andy in my novel is based off the same doll, he's not THE original and has lived an entirely different life in an entirely different universe. Ex. Kind of a poor comparison, but SatAM!Sonic, Archie!Sonic, Fleetway!Sonic, etc. are all different Sonics inspired by the same blue hedgehog that first appeared on the SEGA Genesis. They're Sonic in spirit, whose personalities are interpreted differently and adapts according to the universe they're from. Does that make any sense? Sexuality is not brought up in the Raggedy Ann books, and for a good reason... they were written for kids. The relationships between characters (save for husbands/wives, kings/queens) and the affection the Raggedys give is platonic. In a couple incarnations (a cartoon, a bombed musical), Andy's smitten by a girl, and even "marries" Ann in said cartoon. ~~Ret-Con canon, everyone! Enjoy your incest!~~ In Puri's Novel, adult subjects like sexuality are tackled and discussed and the characters react accordingly. This Andy is gay, which separates him from his previous incarnations. This Andy would be curious, and would express interest in being intimate with someone he loves and cares about. ~~Annnnnnnnnnnnd this has already given me weird looks.~~

What's important for me when I write smut are the characters partaking it themselves. Whether it's passionate fluff or angry hatesex, I want that emotional connection to be there. I want to see Sonic and Shadow I know and love from the games, bickering and teasing and battling for dominance, not watch IKEA between Seme & Uke or two slabs of steak slapping dicks together. Sex requires as much characterization as it does with any other scenes. Would a certain character use this or that word? How comfortable would A feel about doing so-and-so with B? How does B react to being touched by A?

I guess whenever I write smut, I think to myself, "Okay, you're writing Sonic and Shadow. Keep them IC. They're having sex, so have fun with it and relax. GO!"

And I'm babbling and I think I derailed from what I was supposed to be talking about. Fuck.

...I'm still not quite sure how a doll can be "gay" when it's an anthropomorphized object, but I can see how they can take on gender roles in a Toy Story-esque way.

...but he has no genitals so I can't even IMAGINE how smut works there.

I haven't quite figured out how sexuality is perceived in toy world, but I do know that in my novel, there are some toys/dolls that perceive themselves as "boy" or "girl", so that's where the notion comes from.

And that's the thing I stress. He doesn't have genitalia, so he, as an anthropomorphized object, experiences pleasure and pain in a different way than humans. Sort of delved into in a really old snippet. tl;dr, it depends on the toy and what kind of mechanisms they have.

They do! Shaymin and a lot of characters I used to RP seem to talk to me sometimes. Novel cast, maybe not so much "talk to me" as much as I wonder what their lives would be like pre- and post-events of the book. Sometimes they show up in AU/RP scenarios ("What if Raggedy Ann & Andy met Karkat Vantas from Homestuck? What would their conversations be like?") It's like being given photographs or movies of someone else's life in the attic of my subconscious, in a way. And the more I flip through them, the more I try to understand them. Like we're slowly opening up for each other.

Whooooo self-deprecation

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Number #1

Still sword, too lazy to change accounts zlol

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