shamanicshaymin: Glorious beautiful Shaymin against a flowery backdrop. (Default)
Puri ([personal profile] shamanicshaymin) wrote2023-04-01 09:38 am

It's time to get in the robot (heuhehe)

I just finished watching the greatest anime of all time, Neon Genesis Evangelion. I spread the word of gospel under the cut.

Neon Genesis Evangelion is the greatest masterpiece of animation that has ever been drawn. There's simply nothing else like it. All other mecha shows never had the courage to be as philosophical and deep as Evangelion, just like Puella Magi Madoka Magica is the first magical girl show to ever get dark. Revolutionary Girl Utena? Pah! That's just Evangelion For Girls. And we know that anything aimed at women and girls is more shallow and doesn't have the universal appeal as media marketed to men and boys. Shows for boys mean anyone will like it! Shows for girls will just be liked and understood by girls. Case in point: you ever see a man wear a Sailor Moon bag in public? Meanwhile, you got tons of Dragonball Z fangirls. It's simple math.

Alas, even perfect shows have their imperfections. Take Evangelion's main lead, Shinji Ikari. He is hands down the whiniest, wimpiest, most useless protagonist to have ever graced the screen. Just get in the robot, you bloody coward! Oh weh weh, now he's too sad, he runs away like a goddamn pussy just because his cool dad said something mean and won't pamper his ass. For fuck's sake, he lives with THREE HOT GIRLS and he's not attracted to any of them, what an ungrateful swine! Then in End of Evangelion, he's worse than the worst! The lowest of the low! "Oh no, I killed someone!" Big fucking whoop. Get off the floor, you big baby! You just got kissed by a hot chick (AND you passed up the opportunity to bang Asuka's comatose body!) stop being so fucking spoiled! If I was in his shoes, I'd jump in Unit 01 in a heartbeat! It'd be totally awesome and I'd have aaaaaaaaaaaaaaall the ladies swooning over me, I wouldn't be curled up like a bug and crying 24/7. This show would be over in like, five episodes, that's how great and charismatic I am.

This show is aaaaaaaaaall about Rei, hubba hubba hubba! *-* She'd be the perfect obedient waifu, she'd never bitch and complain the way Shinji does. And who doesn't love blue hair? I bet she wears the skimpiest swimsuit at the beach. You know that figure where she's entirely naked except for cat ears and a tail? I'd give my college savings for that! She's so kawaii and innocent and virginal and nobody else can have her. She can even wear a maid outfit and spoonfeed me ice cream and pizza just like my hero Ethan Ralph~

Asuka is such a fucking bitch, I hate her so much. She's a narcissistic egotistical borderline bipolar brat who cares about no one but herself, just like fucking Rainbow Dash. She deserves to be taken down a peg or a billion, just like in End of Evangelion, HA! I got a cum jar with her name on it, that oughta teach her a lesson.

Misato is a slutty alcoholic whore and Ritsuko is a screechy bitch who has no business being a scientist. Everything bad started because Ritsuko's mom was a manipulative hoe who strangled my adorable loli Rei to death, and Gendo should've known her daughter would follow in her footsteps. Man, Freud was right. Women really are horny bitches.

I swear to god if another stupid fujoshi says Kaworu is in love with Shinji again, I'm going to send rape threats and dick pics and dox them off the Internet. Of course fucking shallow fujos would warp a platonic expression of love into their sick yaoi fantasies. The rebuilds are fucking ruined all because Hideaki Anno decided to appeal to the fujos, SJWs, and alphabet community. I wanted to see more of Mari's tits and ass, dammit! Not a bunch of blushy twinks.

Neon Genesis Evangelion is rife with deep symbolism. Did you know that Angels explode in the shape of crosses? Adam is also crucified in the same way that Jesus Christ is. Misato wears a cross necklace. You might not have noticed any of this, so it's a good thing you've got a smart analytical guy like me to point it out to you. The series ending sucks though. Way too much philosophical babble. End of Evangelion has way more gore and lots of hot naked Reis. *___________*

Anyway, I gotta type an essay filled with all the math equations I've used to figure out the diameter of Ramiel's butthole. See ya.











APRIL FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLS!

NOW YOU HAVE BEEN CURSED!


((My real Eva thoughts will come later. :P))

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